Blessed (gxg)✔️

20. Lovely...

[TW: mention/reference to suicide]

~~Flashback~~

Slowly, we stop in front of the corner near the complex where we live. We had agreed beforehand to come here and separate so my mom doesn't see us walk in together from the window. In a few minutes I was planning to meet Shawnee in her place but she pauses her movements with a weird look on her face.

I look at Shawnee and watch how she fidgets around nervously. She rocks on her feet, trying to work herself up to say something but she's too scared.

"What's up Shawnee?" I ask, laying my hand on her cheek. She leans into it and closes her eyes for a second before speaking.

"... this was a date right?" Her careful question makes my heart thump and speed up.

"Yeah.." I bite my lip as I smile. ".. cause you asked for it to be like one remember?" The last time we went on a date was my birthday which was months ago.

"Right.. coo.." she nods and grabs my hand, turning around to walk closer to the main entrance but lets me go and pushes me through the front gate so that I'd hurry up and go. "I'll see you in a minute!" She whisper shouts, making me laugh as I hurry into the building.

A few minutes later, Shawnee enters and takes me to her room where Niquey is waiting patiently.

"Hiii babygirl," I bring her into my arms. Her one and a half year old self is getting bigger everyday. We have a big day planned together for her second birthday but there's still a long time until then. We have all the time in the world.

"Teeeee," a cheesy smile is given to me. She doesn't talk much yet but she might be a late bloomer like Shawnee said she was. I squeeze her little cheeks, sitting on the bed with Shawnee watching.

Her eyes are different today. Not in a bad way though. She's just watching the two of us differently than usual. Almost...wistful and hopeful but I can't tell all the way since she's been getting used to hiding her emotions lately since joining the gang all the way a year ago.

"What Shawnee?" I ask her quietly, scooting into the bed better. She snaps out of it, shaking her head and rushing to sit next to me.

"It's nothin." She replies, pulling Niquey into her arms. I watch her for a long moment again.

Her arms are a little bigger from cleaning and lifting stuff all the time at McDonald's. Her face is getting sharper, not just her looks but her jawline now that she's starting to hit some parts of puberty that didn't come for her in middle school. Even her voice has a little more base in it than it did just last month on her birthday.

"It's just.." I snap back into reality and wait for her to continue. "... you know how we've been kissing more lately?.. And some other stuff..?" She adds a little quieter.

My face heats up a bit as I nod. It's been a year and change since our relationship has changed in private. As of a few months ago, firsts have been had, whispers of feelings that I've never told anyone. She's treated me like no one else and I've done the same for her.

"You maybe wanna.. be my girl or somethin?" She mumbles, not facing me, focusing on her sister who's babbling and pulling on her locs.

The question makes me freeze. I... don't know if I'm ready for that... I feel like I love all the things that come with it but we're already doing it. Why change?

Mom's relationship with dad changed when she they became serious and she got pregnant with me.. Then his parents disowned him which made him a wimp or something- I don't know the whole story since it changed every time she beat me and lectured me. But I do know she always cheated so he ki- he's not around since I was still in the womb. I know mom carries some guilt but never enough to not trash his name in the name of protecting herself from the truth. Even if I never knew him, or my mother's love, I know Shawnee is my family more than anyone else.