Book of the Unmentioned

Promises

The paper was neatly centered on the bare wooden table. The words on it were written in her beautiful handwriting. I grabbed the sheet, examining it. I noticed a few specks of what seemed to be dry blood. My heart sank, for I could only imagine what she did to herself to cause this to be on her page.
Anxious for what was to come, I read the letter:

I've tried to keep up this act. I love you, but I don't even love myself. Every morning is a struggle. Every night is a test of my mental strength. Sometimes I think that I'm losing this fight.
I am so sorry for not telling you sooner. The cutting had returned for a while, but I'm working on changing that. When I eat, I do not feel as sick as before. Yet, I still look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I am still here. I criticize myself, and I hate myself for my mistakes.
I have become so dependent on you. I feel so happy around you, but long for you when you aren't near. I think about you every second of the day that I am not thinking about the negative. You bring a smile to my face, and I am just so afraid of messing up. I am so afraid of losing you. I do not want to be alone.
Please, don't leave me alone.
I'm sorry. I sound pathetic, right? It's just that all I want is you. Your touch. Your embrace. Your kisses. I want you. All of you. Someday, I might find out that I can't have you, for one reason or another. I am scared of that day, so I try not to do anything that may cause it. Man, I really do sound pathetic...
Besides that, all I've ever wanted you to know is that is never your fault. My father, unfortunately, is the source of most—if not all—of my pain, and you have nothing to do with it. Do not pressure yourself to always be there for me. It is a mere fact that you will never always be there, so why try? Why work for something overcomplicated and unattainable when you could find something actually worth having?
Shit, I'm falling asleep writing this. Even naps don't feel as sufficient anymore. This is all very pessimistic for you, and again, I am truly sorry. I needed a moment to vent, and this was my moment. If you check the bathroom I might be there on the floor.
I love you. Don't you dare ever forget that.

—F

I had wiped whatever tears were remaining from my meltdown. She had told me all of this before, but now she seemed so...broken. I never wanted to see her get to this state.
I navigated through the house and found her asleep sitting in a corner of the bathroom. This poor girl, holding everything in. I just want her to feel happy for once.
I nudged her gently, and her eyes fluttered open. Such beautiful brown eyes.
Those eyes will know no pain in the future.

That is a promise I will keep.