ROYAL DIARIES

Chapter 18

Nyx pov:

I thought we had an understanding, we both didn't want this marriage and we knew that a divorce would be the way out in each getting with the love of our lives.

Was I too focused on the outcome of this entire merging that I forgot something. But what...does he want us to stay married? It just didn't make sense.

I was not using him, I had never dreamed of anything like that. We were becoming good friends so that it would be easier for us to rule together. For us to be the most important people in both kingdoms. Is that not his dream? To get back at his parents for the way they treated him, made him quit track by not attending.

Locked him in a dungeon...I was reading into this the wrong way. Yes Liam has never expressed about anything like pay back. He always didn't indulge in his emotions when it came to his parents but I still thought us becoming Kings would help us...maybe I forgot he is not like me.

He is sweet and not into becoming King and being free. He is into being himself no matter what happens.

I got out of the cab and walked back into the Avalon palace. The Royal guards were all surprised by my outfit as they stepped back letting me in. As soon as I entered I found the Queen and my personal assistant having a conversation.

"Prince Nyx." Lenon bowed "We have been searching for you. We heard you left with Prince Liam but he came back an hour ago and said he had not seen you all day." His eyes racked my outfit before looking back at the Queen. "Were you mugged, your Highness?"

I glanced down at my clothes before releasing an exhausted breath. I greeted the Queen with a smile before excusing myself without an explanation. I could hear Lenon telling someone to get me my suit.

I walked up the stairs and towards Liam's bedroom. He came back an hour ago which means he was in his room yet when I knocked I got no reply. It took like five minutes and still no reply. "Prince Liam, It's Nyx can we please talk."

No reply. Lenon stood behind me with my clothes. "We don't have much time. We need to depart soon, you have dinner with His Majesty the King and Her Majesty the Queen."

I knocked once more hoping to have a conversation before I left but the door didn't open. I squat down and pushed the money he had left behind through the door then made my way into my assigned room.

I took a shower, it took even longer than usual for all my attempts to stall. When I could no longer stall, I got out and put on my suit then followed Lenon out. I passed Liam's room with a heavy heart, this wasn't the way I wanted to leave.

I wished I had fixed it before I bid my goodbyes to both the King and Queen plus Prince Luca and his wife. I stood outside the door of the limo and glanced up hoping to get a glimpse of Liam and I saw him through the window. I raised my hand when he closed the drapes showing how uninterested he was in communicating with me.

I got into the limo my heart aching so bad, I hate when someone is not pleased with me. "Can I get some calming pills?" I asked Lenon, and he handed me some red capsules with a bottle of water. I swallowed them and took a sip of the water before laying back.

Lenon had starred catching me up with everything I had missed and what needed my attention but I waved him off. "Not today, tomorrow." I didn't think I could function. I have always felt terrible pain whenever I felt like I didn't do my best but today it felt more intense.

I could hardly breathe, I was breaking a sweat. I shrugged off the suit coat. He doesn't want this? Why did I assume he was okay with everything?

This is why you don't assume Nyx.

I shouldn't have assumed he was okay with this. I disregarded the fact that he was not okay with this. I disregarded everything.

What does he think of me now?

I wasn't trying to use him, I was trying to be there for him because we are in this together. We are friends...I thought when we became Kings we would stick together and not waver for anything. We will finally fight back, our word won't be questioned by anyone.

This merging...no business. The most important thing should be how Liam feels about this. It's his life too...

I am not using him...I swear I am not. I want to tell him that, I am genuine when I say I want to protect him. Everything was not for any hidden intentions. I am not a bad person and mostly I am not a user.

"Prince Nyx, are you doing fine?"

"I am not a bad person right?" I turned to him. "I do what I am told I...I do my best to give everyone what they want. You have been with me for a long time...am I a user?" Am I who I thought I was all this time?

"You're not a user Prince Nyx."

"No I am...he said I am...he said I did everything for me...maybe I was-"

"Whoever said that doesn't know you, Prince Nyx." I looked at Lenon, my eyes were filled with tears. "The Prince I know would never be selfish, and if you did something it was to help. Even if you don't like something you sacrifice to please someone else. That's you."

"I don't know what he wants from me." I pulled at my fingers. "I don't know what he wants...what can I do to make it better? What is it that he doesn't like? I don't understand." I almost yelled.

What is it that he doesn't want? Being King and trying to be my own person...I can stop it. Is it the divorce? He thinks I want to take his kingdom...I don't. I don't want to become King for the sake of the kingdoms. I am becoming one because I can not refuse to be one.

Is that the problem... I want to become king?

Is the problem with wanting to marry Lady Augustus, is it that? If it is then I don't understand. He said the marriage would trap him from finding the love of his life. I am trying to make this better for both of us.

I am trying to choose both of our hearts, is it wrong too?

The loud sound of the Balemont people made me lift my eyes. Everyone was right there to welcome me back, I nodded to them with simple waves while fighting with the fact that I was still trying to figure out what I did wrong.

Flowers and gifts were handed to me as soon as I got out of the limo to greet my people. I smiled while receiving the gifts, all of them congratulating me for managing to convince Prince Liam about the marriage. Guess my parents already shared the news with them.

It took an hour of greeting and small talk with people. Some shared their appreciation while some told me their problems. Others wanted to tell me stories, I listened well enough and fought off the heavy heart. I gave them all of my attention until Lenon told them it was time to leave.

I finally made it back to the castle where the King and Queen waited for me. Mom came and gave me a hug, after her it was my dad. "I am so proud of you son." My heart skipped.

Liam isn't.

Dear Diary
What am I to do to make him be proud of me??