Immigrant girl

Chapter 22. Anya.

I decided there was no point in going to bed . I felt like doing anything ordinary and routine was meaningless. I had to talk to Alex. Easier said than done. The way we had parted didn't imply that we would be talking again soon, or honestly, that we would ever talk again. I didn't know exactly what I would say to Alex. I was faced with an almost impossible task: to calm Dovlatov's anger while not giving him hope for any kind of relationship between us. Inside me, fear had taken hold, scratching me with its little sharp claws somewhere in the pit of my stomach. I was also confused, and I guess I was a bit sad that there couldn't be any relationship between Alex and me. Yes, I understood that I had made this decision myself, built a wall between us, and distanced myself. For the first time in my life, I had thought about myself, tried to protect myself and my feelings. For the first time in my life, I hadn't put other people above myself. And for the first time in my life, I felt a deep sense of guilt, and I had never thought that I was making a huge mistake by pushing someone away.

I sat at the kitchen table, holding a mug of hot tea. Staring into space, I immersed myself in my despondent thoughts. I didn't notice how time had passed, but when I lifted my gaze, I saw that it was already 10:30 in the morning. That meant that Max would be picking me up in half an hour to take me to the lair of the enraged beast. I laughed bitterly to myself. Well, it was a good comparison.

I put on jeans and a black tank top, topping it with a flannel shirt in a plaid pattern that reached almost to my knees. On my feet, I wore sandals, and I decided not to tie my hair into a ponytail but left it loose and secured a few strands at the back. I was preparing my bag in the hallway when Max called and said he was waiting for me downstairs. Punctual as always. Annoyingly so. I wanted a few more minutes alone with myself to think about what to say to Alex. I was going down, stopping a couple of times on the stairs, struggling with the desire to go back upstairs, pour myself some wine, bury myself in a blanket, and not go anywhere. But after taking a few deep breaths, I went outside and, without waiting for Max to come out and open the door for me, I got into the back seat. Max shot me a surprised look through the rearview mirror.

"Let's go already," I knew it was rude of me, but I couldn't help it. I was angry, angry at myself, at Alex, at Caleb, and at the whole world. Max smoothly stepped on the gas pedal, and the car began to move. The overwhelming feeling of guilt overcame me once again. "Sorry, Max. I didn't mean to be rude."

"No problem, Miss Stern." There was no warmth or a smile in his voice, just a dry and formal response.

"How's Alex doing?" It was probably silly to ask such a question to Alex's bodyguard and driver, but maybe I'd get lucky, and Max would say something that could prepare me even just a little bit for my upcoming conversation with his boss. I tensed up, awaiting the answer.

"I've been better, to tell the truth." a concise and business-like response. The little claw of fear inside my stomach came to life once again. It was clear that even Max was under tension. I fell silent and didn't dare ask any more questions. Thirty minutes later, I saw the gates leading to Alex's residence through the windshield.

Yesterday, when I walked out of these gates, I thought I'd never see this place again. How intricately Lady Fate weaves her patterns, like a large, old spider. A shiver ran through me as I imagined a huge spider with numerous hairy legs and glistening black eyes.

The gates opened, and without stopping at the security checkpoint, Max drove straight to the entrance. However, it wasn't the main house entrance; he stopped at the guesthouse instead. I looked at the man in confusion.

"Max, I need to talk to Alex," I leaned forward toward the driver's seat, thinking that maybe Max wasn't aware of the reason for my presence.

"He's inside, upstairs," Max replied without turning his head towards me.