Feelings Aligned [Englot]

[ 9 ]

Charlotte POV

I went home after the dinner with Nick and Engfa, turning down Lisa's offer to watch a movie at her place. I wasn't sure what to do anymore. My mind was just blown away from Engfa confessing her feelings for me. I admit I was quite cold with my response to her but I feel like if I wasn't, it would be giving her the wrong ideas. 

My mind was all over the place. I've recently developed feelings for Lisa but when Engfa told me she had true feelings for me I felt sad that the thing jeopardizing us mostly was bad timing. With how things have been developing it would be a lie to say if it weren't for any external factors, I would've easily reciprocated her feelings tonight. 

Sitting silently in the dark at home, I told myself to calm down and collect my thoughts. I was thinking how I should properly act when I next see her because I was sure Nick would ask for another dinner and I don't know how long I can turn it down until he realises something was up. Engfa was also someone that I wanted to keep in my life, she is truly a gem of her own but with how things are going, I truly don't know how things will play out. 

On one side it was one of my best friends Nick who has been so important in my life, through all ups and downs, large milestones in life he has been the most supportive of them all.  He deserves a girl as great as Engfa and Engfa deserves a guy as great as Nick. But at the back of my head, I can't help but be swayed. 

I have never fell for another person as fast as I fell for Engfa. The only reason I reacted the way I did on the plane was that I was hurt only because I did have feelings for her. I am not one to go into relationships and fall for someone as quick as the way I did for Engfa, but truth is she was making her way into my heart at a rapid speed. Every time I saw her, my feelings went deeper ultimately resulting in feeling like the world around me has collapsed when things didn't happen the way I wanted them to. 

The anger that followed was all still signs of being heartbroken. It was my way of coping, first comes despair, second comes anger and third is the phase of moving on. I've tried going on dates and meeting as many people as I could and until Lisa came along, I really couldn't move on. Even when I finally saw Engfa at the train station and when we met for the first dinner in Bangkok, my heart was beating for her. But knowing she was with Nick made reality easier to accept. 

Although my feelings for Lisa in full honesty still took me some time, but now I was finally feeling certain about Lisa and yet Engfa finally comes around and is honest with her feelings. I was tired. I don't know if I should fight for love. Go against my own best friend to be with the only true person that has me feeling every emotion or I should be with Lisa who I'm steadily developing something with.

 I thought about avoiding Engfa and Lisa until I had my thoughts straightened out but at the same time, I didn't want to ruin things. I wanted these wonderful people to still be in my life despite what my feelings were. The following day, I met up with Lisa as if nothing was wrong. 

Lisa: I didn't watch the movie last night, I'll wait to see it with you

Char: Oh yeah sorry I couldn't come by, I was feeling a little under the weather

Lisa: Are you okay? Did you have some medicine (touches Char's forehead with her hand)

Char: Yeah I'm fine, just needed to sleep it off

Lisa: Well, eat more! You've been picking at your food all dinner!

Char: I'm not that hungry