“Can you help me?”
“Do you have time to talk?”
“I need you.”
“Help me.”
“Will you just stay with me?”
“I know it’s late, but will you talk with me?”
“I can trust you right? You won’t tell anyone else?”
“Thanks, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
The voices continued to echo in my head. I loved them, I was happy to help them. I just… was starting to need a break. I couldn’t walk away, they needed me. The late nights, the busy calls, jumping from person to person. I loved them, they cared about me, I could do it all. The voices just kept going and coalesced with the latest ding from my phone. My eyes snapped open, staring at the dim ceiling while the sun rose.
Blindly I reached for my phone, but all I found was more bed. I shook it off, I just moved in my sleep… even though I never did before. I tried to sit up, but the blanket on my chest was heavy. My phone beeped again, I had to get up. I had to check who needed me. I had to take care of them. I was the only one they could rely on. I flipped on to my back and started to crawl out from the heavy blanket.
The room I had as I crawled had to be from a rough sleep. I was near the edge of my bed. No not the edge, the foot of my bed. I rolled around from hearing everyone call to me and being pulled in all directions that I wrapped myself in my blanket at the foot of my bed. That’s the story I had to stick with. The truth because anything else made no sense.
I pulled my legs free and sat on my knees. I was right where I fell asleep, my pillow sitting in front of me. It was fucking massive. Looking around I saw my phone on the nightstand too high for me to reach. More beeps went off, someone was trying to reach me. I had to answer, but… how in the hell would I reach my phone? How would I even flip it over to answer!? And… who could I call for help?
A loud bang came from the distance. I started shaking, if someone found me like this would I be safe? How would I help everyone? That was why they cared, because I helped. Another bang and a blast of cold air filled the room. I knew that cold air… My door always did that. My room was too close to the door, I liked it like that. I wanted that. My body was shaking as I heard the slam of the door. The cold air wasn’t comforting as I heard someone in my home. Someone… No one should be here. I…
“Hey,” they called. I panicked, the blanket was too heavy. If I hid there I wouldn’t get to run if they decided to lie on it. I started to crawl to the edge of my bed, I had to hide. I… I had to reach my phone. It binged again. It was important. “Where are you? I’ve been messaging you all morning. We were supposed to meet for breakfast today, right?”
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It couldn’t be them. If it was them it was worse. They needed me. I couldn’t be like-like this while they were hurt. All the late nights, all the pain they suffered. I had to be the strong one I couldn’t be… I couldn’t be so small I was trapped on my bed. Another bing from my phone. Stupid alerts, they probably weren’t messages just warnings that I was late. I still had to check. It might not be what I’m thinking.
“This isn’t like you,” the voice was loud. It was too loud. I-I-I-I…. I had no options. I gave up, sitting near the edge of my bed. I hadn’t even tried to look down. I was terrified to see how real this was. The shadow of someone who needed me, who relied on me, stood in the door. I couldn’t make out a thing about them. “You… you aren’t home?”
They walked into my room. It was a mess, I’d been too busy. My whole apartment was a mess. I had to keep helping everyone else, I had to take care of everyone else. They walked closer, a bing just above my head scared me. It was my phone again. They walked over to my nightstand. They didn’t even see me. They would see that I’m not answering and leave. I would figure this out. I would be ok.
