No Matter What

23

The door shuts behind the two, and I tune out Xiao and Childe's bickering as they descend the stairs. My head is spinning. It takes a moment to break my trance against the bits of vase on the carpet, and I finally take a seat on the bed, where there's still the slightest warmth from where Childe once sat.

My hands run roughly over my face, fingers lacing in my hair as I let out a long sigh. I don't want to cry, but the stress of everything is causing my eyes to gloss over.

I don't want to lose my business. I've worked so hard building myself up to the life I have now—well, minus the... extra bodies. To lose that and start from scratch... Not only that, but Xiao has a life here as well. He just finished his first year of high school, and now he's met Aether and I see how happy he makes him. If I have to tell him we're moving and he can no longer see him again...

But, if we stay here, it's possible he'll never see him again for an entirely different reason. Childe is right—I am being selfish. How can I care so much about my business that I don't immediately agree to move for the sake of my own son's life? Maybe... I am a bad father.

It hurt, yes, but it only hurt because it's true—Xiao wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for him. I try my best, I do, but I admit, I'm not always the perfect parent. Ever since Childe stepped into the picture, I've always felt confident that my son would have the safety I could never fully offer him due to my own selfishness.

I look up from my hands and stare at the door. I started this, didn't I? Childe trusted me more than anyone not to judge him for his secret life. I betrayed that trust and made him feel vulnerable with my comments... I was just upset. Hearing that my part in this wasn't needed... I've always viewed this secret part of our lives—as mental as it might seem—as something of a bonding activity. Something only the two of us knew about and shared. So, I selfishly said something even more hurtful back.

I get up from the bed with a sigh. This was just one big misunderstanding. It's my fault. To see Childe so angry with me, something so rare—I touched the one nerve I shouldn't have.

I open the door slowly, then make my way halfway down the stairs. All four pairs of eyes greet mine as I make my appearance. I stop just short of the bottom floor.

"Childe," I say softly. "Can you come here please?"

"Can I talk to you first?" Xiao stands up, looking up at me from below with eager eyes.

I give a sad smile. "Of course," I say, then look to Childe, who slowly lowers himself back onto the sofa separate from the teens, a somber glance my way. Xiao jogs over, following me up the steps, until we're in my room again, door closed behind us.

I sit back down in the same spot on the bed, patting the space beside me. Xiao takes the invitation, plopping down and looking up at me.

"Are you okay?" he immediately says.

I smile. "Yes, I'm fine."

"He didn't hurt you, right?"

"Xiao," I say, "Childe has saved your life twice, and yet you still question his love for us?"

"For you," he says, eyes dancing as they begin to gloss over. "I... I saw him... k-kill someone..."

I frown, looking away from him and playing with my fingers. "I'm sorry you had to see that, Nugget. But, he did it for you. It was either that man or you."

"I know," he says. "I... just don't want him to hurt you. I mean, you say he's this great guy, and I know he cares and everything, but if he can murder someone—"

"The vase was an accident," I say. "He would never and has never hurt me. Please, Xiao. Just trust that what he does is never for malicious purposes. He's a good man... He..."

"Okay," he says, looking down at his feet, rolling them across one another. "I don't want you to think I'm not grateful. I understand now why he does it and I'm glad that he loves me so much... And, I'm sorry for being mean to you and him about it. I know you just wanted to protect me."

My smile returns as I look at my son. I place a hand on his shoulder and reel him in so his head rests on mine. "Thank you for understanding, Nugget. Me and Childe love you so much, remember that."

"I know," he says. "I love you too. Both of you..."

I chuckle softly. "Good. You should probably get back down there to Aether before Lyney makes a move on him. Send Childe up on your way down please."

Xiao jerks himself upright, brows furrowed. "What? What do you mean by that..?"

I smirk. "Well, Aether is your boyfriend, no?"

"N-no!" Xiao says, but his beet red face says otherwise.

"It's okay, you can tell me. I won't tell Childe."

Xiao looks like he might alert the fire squad at any moment by how hot his face has become. "I-I... Uh, y-yeah... He's... we're..."

I smile. "That's okay," I say. "I'm happy for you. But I'd keep an eye on Lyney. He seems like a nice guy, but he definitely has eyes for your boyfriend. I'm just looking out for you because I've never seen you so attached to someone before. I want to make sure you're as happy as possible always. Aether seems like a good kid."

Xiao looks down, now playing with his own fingers. "... Lyney called Aether cute when we were downstairs..."

"And did you say anything to him?"

"No..." he says, "but I didn't like it. It made me kinda mad..."

I smirk, placing his smaller face between my fingers and turning him to look at me, his cheeks squished. "Well," I say, "if Aether is smart, he'll know that no one is as cute as my little Nugget."

Xiao gently pushes my hands away, smiling to himself. "Thanks..."

"Now go get your boy and bring mine to me." I smile, ruffling his hair as he stands up and exits the door. I continue to smile at it even as it closes behind him, turning my attention back to the broken vase. Not long after, the door opens again, and my face drops as Childe appears from behind it, shutting us in.

"Childe.." I stand, approaching him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

Childe snatches me into his arms, holding me there with his face buried in my neck. I'm shocked at first, but eventually my arms snake around him as well, and I hold him just as tight.

"I'm sorry..." he says, sniffling against me. "I made you feel unsafe and afraid of me in that moment, that's the last thing I'd ever want."

"I know," I say, pulling away to look into his eyes. "I know, trust me. I know you'd never hurt me on purpose. It's okay. I'm sorry I said something so triggering to you to make you that upset to begin with. I didn't mean any of that... I wanted you there more than anything that night. And even after everything, I still wanted you there, which is why I helped you. I've never blamed or resented you for any of it. I know why you do it, Childe, and I'll stick by your decisions no matter what. I trust you with my life. I'm sorry I ever made you doubt that."

Childe searches my eyes, a tear running his cheek. "Thank you," he says, "for loving me as I am. I need you, Zhongli. I do. You make everything better. I know I'm flawed, I make mistakes, I fuck up badly and do bad things, but I never want to leave you, or endanger my family... I'll never leave you, Zhongli. Ever. I'm sorry I'd even suggest such a thing. You're mine. All mine. You're perfect, beautiful, and an amazing father. I love you so much... I want you forever."

I smile, pulling myself in so that my lips hover just over his. The praise is getting to me, clouding whatever thoughts I had previously. "Mm," I breathe. "Tell me then... how badly do you want me?"
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