Bravery Requires Fear

19. Rearrangement

A/N: Triggers at bottom.
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Barry didn't know how to go back to 'normal'. At first he tried doing things the way he did over a year ago when he was happy and in Joe's company and had Wally still, but that wasn't going too well. After a week of forced smiles and painfully awkward conversations about past science conventions with his family and friends, he didn't know how this would work.

They would just have to accept that this was him. Barry huffed and walked out of the elevator and into the precinct, officers turned and stared as he walked past and, for a moment, everything stopped. Then the world came crashing back down and hands were all over him, patting his shoulder, clapping his back, and welcoming him. Barry knew it was harsh but he just smiled and shouldered his way past them. One thing Elaine taught him was that if you didn't have time or you were overwhelmed by someone, you could leave and apologize later.

So that's what he did. Barry walked out of the situation, tight-lipped, and made his way to the Captains office. Singh was there to greet him, as was Joe, and Barry didn't have any time to tell them about the guys in the hallway before the door was shutting behind him and the 'mini-meeting' was starting.

" Well, either way, it's a pleasure to have you back Barry. I'm glad you've made a full recovery from that spinal injury Doctor Snow was telling us about and we're lucky to have you back on the force and in your lab. As you'll see, your things were kept relatively neat in your locker, at Joe's insistence, and when we informed the other C.S.I. that you returned they promptly quit."

He missed Captain Singh more than he cared to admit.

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After his full second week back on Earth-1, Barry decided to host a housewarming party. The therapist Joe set him up with turned out to be helping a bit, although he'd only gone once since that initial meeting.

He explained how hard it was to adjust to everything after being gone so long because of his 'spinal-injury' and she advised that he take it slow. Barry didn't have to rush into anything for the sake of making his family feel better about themselves, as his therapist so nicely put it. He accepted that and really did feel better knowing that he wasn't alone in thinking that way. Still, he did try his hardest to act like things were normal when he opened the door to his apartment and welcomed Caitlin in.

" Hey, come on in!" He held the door open and spread his arms out in greeting.

" Hi Barry," she smiled at him and glanced around the entry hall for a moment while he shut the door, " Did you change something?"

Alright, here it goes. Barry closed his eyes shut and breathed in for a second, let his panic briefly come out, and then closed it off and locked it away in the far corner of his mind. Barry could deal with it later, it wasn't like Caitlyn knew what was wrong.

He turned around and smiled at her, awkwardly tucking his hands in his pockets just like he used to, " Yeah I did, let me show you the rest of what I did. Something tells me you'll like it."

Caitlin did like it. Over a year ago when you walked into Barry's apartment, the entry hall would have pictures all over the walls and a shelf on the left with a mirror above it and a coatrack beside it. Now all there was in the hall was the mirror, coatrack and shelf. After you walked down the hall the space opened up, to the left was his living room, half-bath, and kitchen/dining area and to the right were the two bedrooms, full bathroom, a sliding closet with the washer and dryer, and a little nook area at the end with a window, bookshelves built in and a window seat.

Used to, the living room was arranged completely differently, and there were so many pictures of his family that you could hardly see the walls. Now, they were all in photo-albums on a shelf behind the couch. The only picture's he had out were two of his mother and father, two of Joe and Iris, and a small picture of Elaine standing with her arm's crossed looking out of a window. The flashdrive Christina gave him was slam-packed with pictures of Elaine and her friends, it was wonder that it even worked on his earth but nevertheless he was glad.