Bravery Requires Fear

5. Hashbrowns

A/N: Go to end of chapter for notes on possible triggers 

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Elaine seemed to deflate, and she glanced away, turning her body away from Barry and crossing her arms across herself. She seemed to break before his eyes, and he wished that that stupid crimson wave wasn't curtaining her face so he could see what she was thinking. " I know you weren't on top of me and doing shit." Elaine sighed and scrubbed at her face with her palm, her face scrunching up. " It's- It's just really frustrating to think that it's been years since it happened it's still affecting me like this."

She became very quiet, and for a moment while different scenarios went through his brain, Barry thought she wouldn't say anything more. But then she turned, tears glistening in her eyes, and looked at him. When she spoke, her voice was quivering and Barry had the strangest urge to pull her towards him, " I- I know I wasn't powerless in that room Barry. I just really felt like I was the second you looked at me like that." Elaine sniffled and hurriedly looked away, swiping a hand across her face as she came to stare at the empty tv. He stilled, all of the things he'd been noticing, and shoving aside because 'I don't know her', finally clicking into place in his mind. She could hear the quick inhale he took, could hear him moving to sit next to her. " Did- has someone hurt you like that before?" His voice was quite, and she could hear the pain in his voice, could feel the barely-kept-back shaking in his body. Her silence was his answer.

" Did I take you back there?"

A nod and he was resting his elbows on his knees, much like her. Barry had to blink away the tears from his eyes in order to keep talking. He had to talk, had to ask, or he would be falling just as she was. " Is he still," a sharp intake of breathe," well, here?" Barry glanced sideways at her, saw the shaky way she shook her head.

 " He's locked up now, has been for a long time." Barry nodded absentmindedly, trying in some way to calm both himself and her.

" Do you want to talk about it?"

The shake of a head, " Not really."

Elaine's voice quieted for a moment, and she squeezed her arms, almost to the point of drawing blood from the day old wounds on her forearm, " I'm fine, you just freaked me out a bit the other day. Made everything hurt and I wasn't sane enough to realize how." Barry glanced at her and frowned at the state of her arms, deciding to tackle that issue the next day and instead focus on the topic at hand first, tattoos didn't hide everything after all. He bit his lip, " You know it's not supposed to hurt right?"

Elaine sputtered and whipped her head around to look at him, eyes wide with alarm, " What are you talking about Barry?!" He met her eye and frowned, clasping his hands in front of him, " Sex. It's not supposed to hurt." He was shoved off the couch the next second and ended up laughing on Andrew Garfield's face, clutching his stomach with mirth, and a small bit of pain. "Barry!" Elaine met his eye for a moment and then went to move off the couch, her cheeks uncomfortably warm. She'd just made it to the edge of the couch when a hand caught her wrist, she glanced down to see the smile slipping off of Barry's face, the solemn mood returning, " You do know that right?"

Elaine looked away, her jaw clenching, and shook her wrist free, " Barry I haven't slept with anyone since I was seventeen. The only thing I know is pain."

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A few hours later Barry found himself twitching nervously by Elaine's chair at the kitchen table, wondering how to pose his question. 

He sucked in a breath of air, " Do you want me to stay with you?" Barry froze and tried to backtrack, " I mean- for tonight at least. I don't know about you but I doubt I'd be able to sleep at night after being forced to talk about that." He shoved his hands into the jeans Grayson had bought for him and looked down at the floor, fidgeting in a way unnatural to him, " After having to go through that."