Not Ready

≈Chapter I :

~Los Angeles,

•06/01 {Monday, 11:36 A.M}

~*~ Dorian ~*~

"Good morning, cuz ! " RJ greeted me as I was making my way to the kitchen by passing by the living room. 

I yawned and nodded at him. I was still sleepy and I didn't feel like talking right now. I rested for too long, that's how I felt. So I was completely out of it. You could ask me my name, I wouldn't have been able to tell you at this exact moment to be honest. I was still so tired even if I slept for a couple of hours. 

Back in prison, it was impossible for me to sleep more than three hours maximum, because one I always had to be careful and be ready to defend myself in case something was about to happen, and two my  inner demons were eating me alive. These demons were haunting me all the time, but mainly at night. I couldn't spend one without having multiples nightmares, like two or three. And still now, even if I was outside, I was still having them. 

Killing my father was something that will follow me for the rest of my life. I couldn't forgive myself for some reason, neither him. I still couldn't believe why he did what he did seven years ago. Why did he have to do this to our family ? We were already destroying each other with our behavior, I was a teenager out of control and the parents were always arguing, but maybe we could've done something to repair our family, but no...he had to lose it and he became violent. Extremely violent. I still couldn't believe that he dared to hit my mother, and I could less believe that he really raped her. And he also tried to choke me to death.

Seven years ago, my life really changed for the worst. 

"Are you okay ? " 

I blinked shaking my head, "Uh..."

"You were in a trance...again. What's wrong with you ? "

I sighed and closed the door of the refrigerator not even hungry anymore, "It's too early for that. Leave me alone. Three days I'm here, today is the fourth and you're already getting on my nerves. Shut up, damn ! "

RJ frowned and blocked me as I was about to walk out of his kitchen, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. Why are you raising your voice at me for ? I was just asking a simple question."

"Richard, let me have my space. I don't want to talk right now." I slightly pushed him to the side.

"Dorian, it's been three days since you're out and...you're so angry. Why ? You're rude to me since the first day and all I'm trying to do is help you."

"I repeat...I don't want to talk. At all. So please, leave me alone."

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I played with the hem of my t-shirt as numerous thoughts were running through my mind. 

Out and free, but still considering myself being locked up. That's how I'd been feeling these past three days. Am I really ready for the real world ? I didn't even get out of my cousin's apartment since I put my feet in. 

 I was scared. 

 So scared. Yes, I was frightened and didn't want to face all of this. Seven years in prison sure changes a man. I was in a box for seven years and now I was out of it and I didn't feel at the right place. At all.

I had to get used to this world again. The cars, buildings, the technology, the nature and...the people. 

That's what I was afraid of the most.