Not Ready

≈Chapter XXV :

~Los Angeles,

•10/25 {Wednesday, 1:56 P.M}

~*~ Dorian ~*~

"Why are you here ? " 

She sighed and looked at me with watery eyes, "She didn't deserve to die. She was so young. I miss her so much." She answered me with a low, weak and raspy voice. Matter fact, it sounded a bit like death.

"I'm sorry for not checking up on you after uh...I was just...Uh, I had a lot going on. Sorry."

It was activities and recreation time now and I was happy to finally be able to speak with Herica. Since lunch, I'd been looking at her wondering why she was in the institution too. I had an idea though, but I wasn't sure if it was for it. Now that we were talking, it was confirmed. 

She must haven't taken too well Aria's death and lost her mind. Losing a child is not easy and so heartbroken. I didn't know the little girl for a long time and to know that she was no longer among us affected me deeply in my heart, so I was sure it was even more hurtful for Herica who was her mother. She carried her in her belly for nine months, gave birth to her and then raised and loved her the best way she could. And now, her daughter was gone. 

It was so sad. 

And it made me think about Docia and her personal story. I didn't know everything about it, but the hurt she had in her eyes when she told me the bit of the whole tragedy will forever be anchor in my head. Herica and her were very strong women. My mother was too for witnessing her only son going to jail for the murder of his own father. I definitely had more respect for women. And for men too. Well, for every soldiers out there that are doing their best to make it through the hard days of life.  

"Don't apologize. I can't be mad at you for living. I divorced Charles like you suggested by the way. Plus, just right before we signed the papers, I found out that he was cheating on me with some bitch." She let a little smile appear on the corner of her lips, "I destroyed all his stuff, got the house and some of his money. I used it for..." Her little smile dropped. "My baby's funeral. I didn't invite him though. I'm a very bad person...right ? " She turned her head away from me and licked her lips, watching two persons drawing. 

Only God can judge, "Those poor teenagers." I exclaimed watching them with her. 

She nodded, "Yup...So, how have you been ? Why are you here ? "

I chuckled dryly, "I lost my mind too. I had to get here before to...cause bigger troubles out there and hurt innocent people, and myself. Since how long have you been here though ? It's been two weeks for me and I'd never seen you before."

"Well, if you weren't staring at me I would've never noticed you to be honest with you. I've been so much in my own world these past two months to notice what's going on around me. I came like last month." 

"Is it working for real ? If I'm wasting my time, just let me know please."

She shrugged, "I don't really know. For me..." She trailed off pausing in her sentence, "It did a little. I do feel a lil' better. I don't spend the whole day trying to find a way to physically hurt myself, so I can forget the pain in my heart. Nope. Now, I only do that during half day, usually at night before to fall asleep. But since I'm not thinking about killing myself in my sleep anymore, I would say that I have those thoughts only for four to five hours per day. And it's a progress honestly."

Yes, it was. 

"I'm happy to know that. You're amazing and I'm sure the future only has good things for you. Aria is proud of her mama."