Love is Louder (Sequel to Addiction) A Jemi fanfic

Chapter 5: The New Plan

Demi's POV

I walk into my room at the end of the day feeling stressed out, so much swarming in my head. Finding out that I'm bipolar has answered so many questions I have had all my life, I still just can't believe it.  At first, I forgot what that actually meant. But then the doctor fully explained what it meant, and then everything in my life seemed to fit into place. No wonder I've never actually been truly happy other than being with Joe. 

I lay down in my bed regretting not calling Joe, its free hour right now so I could call him, but I already know he now knows that i'm bipolar, and honestly i'm a little embarrassed. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. I know he would accept me for it still. That's why I love him so much, because even how horrible of a person I am, he still thinks I'm worthy enough.

I hope he doesn't get mad or upset that I don't call him, I will tomorrow night though. I look around the room feeling lonely and I want it to stay that way. I deserve to be just cast away from anyone, no one wants me around any way. I sigh and lay down in my bed wishing that I could just go home, why can't I just be normal?

I get up from the bed and remember that I can't get my hands on a razor, they even took away our shaving razors since Miley and I both have an addiction to cutting. There's no scissors either in here, the only thing I can find that might actually cut skin if I try hard enough is a pen.  I sigh and grab the pen hoping Miley won't walk in anytime soon.

*****

The next day I wake up to the alarm wishing I could sleep in a little while longer. Miley in the bed next to me gets up from her bed already used to the schedule. I get up too with fight against my body, when I get dressed, I make sure to put on a jacket to cover up my new cuts. There's not many and they are not that deep, but still easily noticeable. Its hard cutting with only a pen.

Walking down the stairs in silence, Miley and I make our way to the cafeteria. Her group of friends are already sitting down at a table near the back, when we get our food we sit down next to them. Sterling stares at me intently with no expression kind of freaking me out, Bec seems to notice as well staring at him weird. She just shrugs her shoulders at me, is this regular behavior for him? 

When everything is fine without me in the conversation, Sterling talks and directs the question to me. " So Demi, why are you here? " 

Everyone is a little confused since everyone was talking about something else, something else that was not even close to the topic of why I am here. I know he already knows why I am here since of that bet thing Miley and him had, why would he be asking me?

" Um..." I start to say, but Miley joins in before I actually do say something. 

" You don't have to tell us now if you don't want to. Whenever you're comfortable with it. " She says giving me a sweet smile, thank you. I now love her, I smile and then she starts to talk about something else and everyone joins in the conversation, well except Sterling. He seems to glare at me for avoiding the question, what is his problem? 

When the announcer tells us to start our day off and go to our first thing on our schedule, everyone gets up and throws away the remaining food on their trays. For me, its all the food I had started with. I then walk to Kate's office not really wanting to go. When I get to her office door, its open again. She's sitting in her chair at her desk on her laptop, she smiles and waves me in once she sees me. 

I walk in and sit on the chair I had sat in yesterday, I get comfortable since she told me yesterday that today's session was gonna be a lot longer. After a few more clicks on her computer she closes the laptop and smiles at me. 

" So Demi, how are you today? " She asks leaning back and folding her arms. 

" Fine. " I say hoping the less I talk, the faster I can go. 

" That's good...Are you cold Demi? Do you want me to turn up the heat? " She asks looking at my jacket.

" I'm fine, thanks though. " I say wondering where shes going with this, her smile drops.

" Demi, please pull up your sleeves. " She says with a sigh, great. How the hell did she know? I then pull up my sleeves with irritation staring away from my cuts and her eyes that seem to pour into them.

" Demi, you're not here even two days and you already cut? " She asks looking frustrated and upset, her usual happy self seems to be far away from here.

" I hate this place. " I whisper just wanting to go home, be in his arms. 

" How did you do it? " She asks rubbing her temples with one hand.

" A pen. " I say looking out her window not wanting to meet her eyes that keeps staring at me.

" Demi, there's two options on the table. You either try your hardest not to harm yourself anymore and  can sleep in the same room you are with Miley. Or you can either sleep in my bedroom with me, over the day you've been here, I've already observed your personality. I know you still don't eat anything even with new friends watching you, so you will be eating with me each day and I will make you eat everything on your plate. Do you want to lose the privilege of sleeping in a room with a roommate as well? " She says making me feel angry, why is she doing this to me?

" No. " I say looking down at my wrists, why can't I be normal?

" Demi, before you make a permanent decision so quickly, let me say this. I can tell already that you miss Joe very much. I talked on the phone with him last night so I could know him a little better since hes a big part in your life. " She says pausing so I can say something.

" What did you two talk about? " I ask a little scared, what did Joe now know?

" I told him how you were doing, my thoughts on your recovery time, and asked him his feelings towards what I had told him. " She said knowing she was getting to me already.

" What did he say? " I asked hoping it was positive even though I know that it wasn't.

" He told me about how much he misses you and how he only wants you back...So Demi, Joe and I came up with a plan to help you recover faster. " She says smiling once again, I wipe away a tear that had slipped out.

" What is it? " I asked curiously, if Joe was involved I defiantly wanted to be too.

" Well, first of all. You have to sleep in the same room as me, we have to eat our meals together, we do your daily exercises together. And in a months time, if you are doing pretty well and actually recovering. Joe can visit for a weekend. " She says knowing I liked this plan. 

" Really? " I ask sitting up in my chair suddenly very interested. 

" Yes, but Demi, you have to work really hard and stay with me most of your time. " She says raising her eyebrows curious if I will agree.

" Ok. " I say very fast making her chuckle. 

" Demi, just remember that I am not the enemy. I really do want to help you, I'm hoping we can get close so you trust me enough in everything I say. That you'll know that what I am teaching and helping you with is true...Demi, by the end of your recovery, you will be able to look in a mirror and know that you're beautiful. That you don't have to starve and cut yourself. Sound ok? " She asks very seriously. And for the first time, I really do want that. I nod and smile happy because of the way things ended up today.