whats happening?

Chapter 20

I feel numb. I feel- I don't know how I feel. I just sat there rubbing my hands together picking on my skin. Why did I just stand there? That was Campbells best friend and one of the few people left in this place that doesn't hate me and I just... Stood there.

I don't feel like myself. The old me wouldn't care about this mortal dying but Campbell looked so upset and he was right. Everything he said was true. I should have done more I should have saved him instead of just just standing there.

I took a deep breath. I'm gonna sound narastistic but I liked having Campbell as a friend but now he hates me. Everyone hates me. I'm not what anyone wants me to be.

I lay down on the couch looking up at the roof. I'm going back to New Asgard soon. In a week to be exact. Ms Brady thinks I'm better. At least as much as I can be. I'm eating more, I'm getting more sleep, my emotions (usually) are slightly more regulated then they where and I havent s/h in a year but leaving like this just doesn't sit well with me.

I felt like I was just staring at the ceiling all night and I probably was. Maybe I'm not ready to leave yet.

I heard the door unlock. It was locked? I don't remember her locking it? Ms Brady walked and sat on the one seater couch beside me. "Didn't sleep?" I just hummed not looking at here "The funeral is today if you'd-" "I don't think I should go" "why not?" "I don't deserve too" she moved the chair closer to me and I sat up and faced her.

"And why cause you didn't save him?" I hummed looking down "You can't save everyone Loki" "But I could have saved him" "sometimes you have to loose someone" "I've lost everyone! All I have is my brother and I thought Campbell but he sent me away and Campbell hates me! I'm sick of loosing people!" I snapped at her

She held my hand gently but I pulled it away hissing at her "Just leave me alone" "we might have to consider keeping you here longer Loki" I looked down "I'm better kind of. I don't need to stay here I just need time to get my head right"

She stood up "Ok but talk to Campbell won't you?" I nodded "Campbell isn't going either so he'll need the company" "my companion?" "Ay"

She left and I walked over to her desk. I yawned sitting down. She had a file about Fergus on her desk so I decided to read it. Apparently he was a schizophrenic? I didn't know that? He was also supposed to be able to leave yesterday? He'd got a job as a technician.

I decided to leave the room. The silence was so deafening. I hate being alone. It's the moment when I'm alone that I kinda miss the voice in my head.

The building was pretty empty bare a few members of staff which was pretty odd. I walked towards Campbells room bumping into Declan. He's this Irish guy who works here. He usually sedates people here and was in front of the group of people chasing Fergus until I supassed him.

"Where you going mate?" "Campbells room?" "His not feeling great so maybe come back later" I raised my eyebrow "he's pissed at you I think but he's fucking depressed" "No shit can I see him though?" His accent was so thick it's kind of unreal. He doesn't even have to use Irish slang to be not understandable. I could understand him though!

"I don't care if I'm being completely honest just don't make him worse right?" I nodded "ok" I walked into his room? Our room technically but his room for the moment. Technically also Fergus room which just makes it a bit worse.

I kneeled down in-front of him as he just lied in bed. His eyes where empty. You'd almost think he was dead bare the subtle moving of his chest "Campbell?" He turned around to face away from me "I'm sorry, I truly am"

I've never seen him so quite so empty. He was almost always happy. He's usually so alive with energy that you swear he had drank twenty cups of coffee. When my ADHD kicks in I can almost reach his energy but this was a whole other side of him.

I turned around sitting on the ground with my back against his bed "I umm I remember some years ago my best friends son got high on some pills his friend gave him and climbed up the tower of this building. We all chaced after him and I made it first. He looked at me with the biggest smile just whispering 'I'm ready' I walked closer towards him as I could hear the others getting closer. He has the exact same look Fergus did before he jumped. Peace of mind and happiness. I had heared them burst open the door and turning towards the bang I missed when he jumped. I just heard my friend his dad screaming running towards the window still. I couldn't save him and I'll never forgive myself for that and I would understand if you never forgave me for not saving Fergus but being there again I just- I just froze I know that makes me weak and I know this is just an excuse but I am truly sorry"

I stood up and walked towards the door. I was about to leave when I heard Campbell say "I don't forgive you but I'm not mad at you either" I smiled slightly "thank you" "your friend... How'd he react?" "He didn't once blame me and I hate him for that"

There wasn't much of a response from him but that's to be expected, being depressed can take a heavy toll and be quite exhausting. I finally left the room bumping into Declan.

"Well what the Craic then?" Ok I didn't understand that. I gave him a confused look "what's up with him? How is he?" "Ah yeah umm hes tired he just needs some time alone" he nodded "what about you mate?" "I'm fine" "they all say that don't they?" "I suppose they do yeah" "well I'll see ya when I see ya" and he left.

Does he have any idea of what's happened here recently? Or who I am? Or that someone dies? He seems to be in his own little world.

A/n:
I had to add an Irish character as I'm Irish. Hes sort of a mixture of me, my dad, my dads mate who's actually called Declan and the character he is based off which is a character in 'takin' over the asylum' except he is Scottish and hugely different. I also found that when I'm writing this I'd accidentally write Irish slang and word it Irish which I've corrected on a couple of occasions but when I tried to write this character Irish I just couldn't do it😭. Also Loki's best friend is Tom Holland based on Tom Holland who was mentioned in the first book and a couple times in this one. The one he indivertly killed.