Missing Heart

Chapter 11: Julie

A few days passed... no mother... she really is dead isn't she...? When people I love die, I want to die too... Mother... come back and stop me from myself, please... I feel so powerless... I feel like I'm going to hurt myself if you don't stop me... That's exactly what happened with dad... I don't want that to happen again...

After a few days, our food started running out... Shit... what are we going to do? The plan was to wait in the house and ration the food until everything has all blown over, but...

"Why the fuck is this not over yet!?" I asked the others. "Shouldn't this be over and done with!?". I tried to make it not obvious how much I was hurting, I didn't want them to know. I don't know why, I just didn't.

"Realistically... zombies should not live for more than a few days due to 1. Government and 2. Rot should make them fall apart..." Nick replied.

"So why is this still happening!? Is someone doing this on purpose to torture us or something!?" I complained

I just needed to yell... scream... anything... I felt totally crushed. I'm usually so energetic, but I feel nothing right now. I know how stupid saying something like that is, but I needed to speak. I needed my voice to be used and heard.

Hey, Nick has been rather energetic recently, did our personalities switch or something? No... that's impossible...

"I think we have to leave..." Kelly whispered quietly.

"Huh?".

"We have no food... we'll starve... we have to leave even if it's dangerous... it's the only way...".

"No way! We can't leave!" Nick immediately blurted out.

I hated it, but she was correct. It was the only chance we had, even if it was small... Either leave or starve... or dehydrate, but we still had a lot of water left thankfully...

"Nick, I'm sorry, but I agree with Kelly...".

"Majority rules right?".

...

"Fine, we'll just be super careful... you two... please be careful...".

"Wait, are you not coming with us!?" I asked, worried.

"No! No! I'll join you! I just feel like you two are a little...reckless... so please just be careful... if I'm not there for some reason... or if I... you know...".

There was one more word he wanted to say. His lips trembled.

"D-die...".

His face turned pale at the thought of his own death. I was jealous! Right now I relished the thought of my own death! But for them... I couldn't...

"Hey! We aren't reckless! And also, don't talk about your death like that! You won't die! I promise! I won't let you!" Kelly's voice was confident and lit up the room.

Kelly... she sounded so confident and sure... I was jealous...

I've changed... so much for the worse... In just a few days too... It felt like I was just a shell of myself, just pretending to be the past me. Same thing happened when dad died.

Eventually, we all packed some stuff and left the house, prepared for the worst.

"Do we have to bring corn with us? I hate corn..." I complained to Nick. He didn't respond, it seems like he knew I was just looking for a reason to complain. It was kind of reassuring oddly.

"...Is something other than all of this wrong?".

"Huh? Of course not! I'm not some weak fucker that is scared of her own shadow! Why? Am I smiling less for your expectations or something? Do I not meet your expectations?!" I was meaner than I intended to be, I'm definitely doing worse than usual. But speaking of which, why are peoples expectations so high!? Please have reasonable expectations from person to person!

"Yeah, something is definitely wrong, you said more than you intended to, didn't you?".

...Am I really that transparent?

"Sorry, I'm just stressed... I think...".

"Well...that makes sense... with zombies and mother dying...".

No, please don't... don't talk about mother... It hurts... so badly... It's making me think of the things I hate...

"And how are you so calm!?".

"I've always been calm. Besides, I'm not entirely calm, I'm just bad at expressing my emotions...I'm sure I'm panicking as much as you right now!".

Heh... as if...

"Do you need a hug?".

Please... yes please, I need loving. I just gave Nick a big hug, and he rubbed my back a bit to reassure me. It felt nice, but made me want to shiver a little because it felt like all my senses were amplified 200 times.

"I feel like your emotions have increased recently..." I rambled mindlessly.

"Yeah, they have... it's annoying feeling all the negative emotions, but it's oddly refreshing. I don't know what triggered it, but I guess the emotional rollercoaster of a real zombie apocalypse".

So he had noticed, but didn't know what caused it. Well, it seems like he's doing better than me, so that's a good thing...