I'm just going to fucking do it. I can't deal with this anymore, I'm leaving and I'm not turning back. I grabbed the rope and tied it to the curtain rod, it looked stable enough. Now there was a noose in front of me, and I hung it around my neck. It gave me flashbacks... Flashbacks to another awful time when my father died...
When my father died, my mental health went to complete crap. I became severely depressed, and I just couldn't handle the basics of life anymore. Hygiene exhausted me, but I kept needing to completely over-do it, to the point of bleeding. That wasn't the only form of self-harm. Insulting myself, refusing to eat, I was just killing myself... Everything negative happening to me now was the same as then.
I even tried to commit suicide with an OD. I failed. Maybe it was for the best, maybe for the worst. I just woke up in hospital to see my mother and Kelly asleep, mother with makeup running down her face from crying and Nick staring at me, spacing out. I failed then, and got better with therapy and mother's and Martin's and my sibling's support, and now here I was again. History is repeating itself, in every single way.
Wouldn't that mean things get better though?
Even if it did, I can't handle any more, I am at my limit. I can't take this anymore... I can't handle the self-hatred...
I jumped, and it was painful on my neck. I started choking and immediately regretting my decision, but it was done. I couldn't go back...
YOU ARE READING
Missing Heart
AventuraIt's a zombie apocalypse. The 3 siblings and a few other people they picked up have to try to survive in the wasteland with famine, lack of medicine, and of course, zombies. Why did this happen? Who caused this apocalypse to happen? Pretty soon they...
