Missing Heart

Chapter 28: Nick

What's this, the sense of impending doom? The feeling that something bad was inevitable was strong again.

And this time it felt like it was going to happen to me.

My chest felt heavy, like there was something I needed to confess, just in case something happened to me and I didn't get the chance to tell them, which I would regret. What could that be...?

Then I remembered, I hadn't told them that the university rejected me. I lied. And now I really regretted it. My personality completely switched, I wasn't afraid of their response anymore, I wanted them to know!

"Kelly... I have something I need to get off my chest. It doesn't matter anymore, but I still want you to know" I told her after walking up to her. She looked at me, clearly interested.

"I lied about the university".

"What!?".

"When I applied I got rejected, I lied because I didn't want you and mother to be worried about my future. I got a part time job, but I still felt like you guys wouldn't be proud of me. I'm sorry for lying, but I feel like you deserve to know now".

She took a second to process. She realised my personality change a bit more, and worked out the words in her head.

"It's fine, me and mother would never have hated you. I'm still proud of you, you've gotten so far!" Wholesome overload! "Why are you telling me now?".

"I felt like you deserve to know, I felt like I needed to tell you just in case something bad happened to me and I wouldn't be able to tell you".

"Nothing bad will happen to you!" Kelly promised. I smiled. She was probably right.

"Tell Julie for me later, OK?". Kelly nodded. We both got back to work.

My throat feels stuffy... I'm struggling to breathe a bit... Am I having another asthma attack? I've been having way more of these recently than I used to, is the air here not clean or something?

I pulled out my inhaler... Only to discover it was empty...

FUCK, WHAT DO I DO NOW!? GOD DAMN IT I FINALLY FEEL FREE, I FINALLY START FEELING LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN AND NOW THIS HAPPENS!? I FINALLY HAD A REASON TO LIVE WHY, WHY, WHY!?

"Kelly...*cough* *cough*".

I bent over and started coughing, and I didn't have enough time to stop and breathe. It was terrifying, suffocating and not being able to stop it is terrifying.

"Holy crap, Nick are you Ok!? Where's your inhaler!? Oh crap, it's empty! Crap! Crap! Crap!".

Kelly started running around looking for help, but what could she do? She's just a kid... Yet she's so brave... I really am proud of her.

At this point, my hearing was really fuzzy, so I couldn't hear what was going on. It sounded like she asked Martin for help, and he yelled at me a bit.

"Don't die on me man! You don't gotta do this, live you son of a bitch, live! Do it for your sisters!".

Then it hit me. Why all of a sudden I felt real again as soon as the zombies came. Because I had something to live for, something to protect... My sisters... I don't have any reason to live, but if it's for them, I'll protect them. I'm willing to do everything to protect them... I can't protect them if I'm dead! I have to live!

...

Haha... hahaha... hahahahahahahaha... Worthless... I'm about to die... I'm really about to die...

I started having flashbacks. What was it again? Life flashing before your eyes? My lungs were on fire, and I felt so scared, but in the memories I was at peace...

I was dying, a minute ago I was panicking about it, but now I felt eerily peaceful.

I saw images of me, Kelly and Julie growing up... Kelly making her first self-portrait, Julie learning her first swear word... Ha... Good times... Good times...