Once Bitten

How Long Can You Live For? (36)

It was stupid. He shouldn't have run. He realized that the moment he'd moved but his body had just reacted and he couldn't get himself to stop once he was already running, legs trembling as he rushed past Wukong, Macaque, and Sandy, hearing someone shout something behind him and still running out of the room.

He kept going, blood rushing in his ears and breathing loud as he aimlessly let his legs do the thinking for him, head too clouded to think properly as he moved through the mall. 

He wasn't really aware of much except the terror and regret in his chest, and suddenly he found himself in an open supply closet, slamming the door shut behind him and backing into the corner of the little closet, knees tucked to his chest tightly. 

The moment he was sat he began to sob, tears drowning him and flooding down his face like a river. Cries spilled from his lips, shaking his whole body and burning his lungs. He pulled at his hair, tugging on it and relishing in the pain, and then brought his hand up to hit his head when that wasn't enough, the dull thuds hurting his head. It helped but not by much, and another pitiful noise left him as he struggled to breathe in air, vision wobbly and fuzzy until he just closed his eyes. 

Arms wrapped around his legs MK pulled his hands over his ears and cried, rocking back and forth and hyperventilating in a closet. It reminded him of when this whole thing began, and a bitter snort at the memories of a much more naive MK sitting in a closet waiting for everything to just stop made a hysterical laugh bubble from his lips, that noise too dissolving into more sobs right after with a fresh wave of tears.

What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just pull himself together? 

He hated this. He hated himself. He thought it would be dramatic to say it felt like his whole world was falling apart, but considering the circumstances and the fact that it was true he figured it wasn't all that dramatic after all. 

His world had fallen apart. He was dying. Dying in one of the worst ways possible. 

He just... he wanted to live.

The realization made another wave of tears gush down his cheeks, getting his knees damp too. 

He felt awful for worrying Mei, and his whole body felt wrong and off which only made it harder to calm down. Something he was doing a terrible job at so far. 

"MK?" A knock on the closet door made him quiet, breathing hitching audibly and he gripped his knees tighter, silently praying the owner of the voice, Mei, wouldn't come in. 

"Can I come in?" She asked and MK did speak then, mouth letting out a broken but desperate, 

"no!" Mei was silent for a moment, and MK went back to rocking, ears on alert for the sound of the door opening. It didn't, and where there should have been relief there was only a hollow sadness gripping him. He felt empty. 

He felt like he was grieving. 

There was the sound of shuffling and whispering past the door, nothing MK could focus on long enough to make out, and then someone spoke louder, sounding much closer to the door. 

"Listen, I don't know what's going on bud, but... we can talk about this okay? Whatever's going on for you we can help. Even just- if you need a hug or something, okay?" Wukong said, and guilt at how kind and caring it was made MK bite down on his lip to smother a whine. He wanted that so bad right now, wanted arms around him holding him tight and telling him everything was going to be okay but it would just be a lie. 

He couldn't bear to tell them and yet... he felt like they deserved to know. 

Really, he was hurting them too by not saying anything. He could hear it in Wukong's worried voice. He still had hope, he was still trying because he didn't know there was nothing he could do.