Char Kadam: IshRa FanFic #Completed

Part 19: Another Char Kadam!?

Ishita's POV

Last two days I have been thinking about the biggest blunder of my life.

Going to Bangalore a week before my wedding is a blunder indeed.

How could I be so selfish?

What if I had met Ajnabi 

I would have gone with him leavingRaman 

I was so wrong. So so wrong.

I was going to ditch Raman.

What if he was in my place and had done the same with me?

Would I ever be able to come out of the trauma?

Would I ever forgive him for breaking my heart?

I was unfaithful.

I have cheated on him.

Cheated on him by going away without letting him know.

Its not that this marriage was forced on me.

I was reluctant initially.

Akka had to cajole, console and compel me to think about it.

Raman had asked my opinion before the alliance was fixed.

He made sure that I happily accepted the proposal.

He assured that he would back off if I was not convinced.

I thought of several reasons to reject the proposal, but not one was a valid excuse.

Giving up, I finally agreed.Wholeheartedly??? Not exactly! Well, atleast I tried!

Raman has everything what a girl sees in a Perfect Life Partner.

Then why can't I bring myself to accept him as My Perfect Life Partner?

It's not that I never tried. I did. I did every day.

But every time I visualized a Happy Married Life it was with none but Ajnabi.

This would make me guilty, I would distance myself from Raman.

Meeting him was inevitable, but I had always avoided meeting him alone.

Talking to him was unavoidable, but I would never initiate a conversation.

The guilt of being in love with someone else and spending life with the other was killing me.

Was this guilt not killing me already that I had to do another big blunder and upsurge the guilt?

This guilt is definitely going to cause me my life, coz its suffocating and heart-wrenching.

Only thing that can possibly lessen the guilt and save my life is disclosing everything to Raman.

Yes! I must tell him.

He has a right to know that the image of a husband in my eyes is not his.

He should know that I have always been unfaithful to him.

He must know that I was going to ditch him a week before the marriage.

Whatever the consequence may be, I need to tell him the truth.

He may not want to have me in his life anymore, he might dump me at the altar, I would never get married, I would be termed as Bewafa.

It hurts to think of such consequences, but I deserve it.