Oblivious

40 // Collapse at the knees

Akrasia
(n.) lack of self-control

-Elijah-

My back hits the hard sofa behind me as I try my hardest to sink into the soft material.

"How do I fix this?" I question aloud.

Nils pulls his lips into a pout as he thinks hard, "Try apologising?"

"I don't think an apology is going to fix this." Summer tells him, taps his shoulder a few times.

Casey snorts again. "Nothing will fix this."

"You're not helpful." Meeks tells him but Casey only shrugs. "Not trying to be."

"Apologies on your knees." Summer suggests. "A lot of begging and pleading too."

Pleading and begging I can do. That parts easy. There's not an inch of my body that won't collapse at the knees in front of her if I thought it would help even a little bit.

"You gotta show her you don't believe what you said." Meeks takes a seat, spreads his legs as he pushes his glasses back up his nose.

"She's not gonna believe anything you say." Summer explains further. "So you're gonna have to show her."

"I basically just said that?" Meeks bites out and Summer shrugs. "I said it better."

"You told her she bores you right?" Dalton questions and I sink further at the reminder.

There's not a thing about Daze that bored me. I could listen to her talk about nothing but rocks for the rest of my life and be content. I hang onto her every word like they may be her last.

"Yeah." I nod and Dalton frowns. "So you're gonna have to convince her that you listened to what she said." He carries on. "Show her you know things about her, what her favourite shows and books are, things like that, let her know you payed attention."

"Just be honest with her." Meeks tries, leans forward. "Be totally and brutally honest no matter how embarrassed you are. Admit you were jealous."

"I've already done that." I grumble. Feel the air leave my lungs. Deplete into the air. Becoming nothing and everything and all I'm made of.

"Oh." Meeks sighs, falls short on a reply.

Yeah, oh.

"Here's an idea." Casey pipes up, turns to face the rest of us as he grins. "Leave her alone?"

Not an option.

"Casey." Summers reprimands but the former only shrugs. "What?"

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"He's hurting."

"So's Owens and whose fault is that?" Casey snaps back. Turns his stare onto me when Summers can't give a reply. "You hurt her, deeply."

"I know that." I admit. Sink in shame and self resentment.

"So leave her the fuck alone." Casey moves to leave, not before adding, "She deserves better."

The bottom of my stomach gives way until I'm a bottomless pit of exhaustion and self loathing and there's a bitter need to sit in my hurt until it rots me to the core and I can never even anything more than what I am right now. I can never be better, or worthy, or deserving and I'll die with the knowledge I'm less than capable of being all that I could be.

She deserves better. I know that. I'm going to be better.
~

This is sort of a short chapter so have a double update 🫡

For first time readers every chapter after this might not make sense because I am coming back and editing all chapters and have tweaked the plot a little. So be warned of plot holes until I've finished editing everything.

For re-readers, do we like the new plot of Meeks not being this super bad guy??? Because (as I've said multiple times) that's not what I intend for him when I made his character (if that wasn't obvious from the get?) and every time I'd read over it I'd get a little sad that's how he turned out.

Also guys my boyfriend hates me ✌️ (he won't let me put my leg over his) and he's said he's going to make an anonymous Wattpad account just so he can read these little comments of mine to see what shit I chat about him. So if your him reading this, go away so I can chat shit about you in private.