Oblivious

24 // Share an orange

Alamort
(adj.) half dead of exhaustion

-Elora-

"I like Elijah."

Danny drops the top she's holding and Marla stops applying her waterproof mascara.

It's Saturday and we're all at my house to get ready for the beach. Elijah's going to be here in half an hour and I have caterpillars.

My palms feel sweaty and my heart is beating so fast I'm afraid it might break out of my chest.

I've never felt this nervous before but over the past 3 days I've come to the realisation I have a crush on Elijah.

Crush might not be a strong enough word. I like Elijah. As more than a friend. Whenever he's around I feel happy and miss him when he's not. I find him insanely pretty, prettier than I've ever found anyone. So pretty that sometimes I can't even look at him. My cheeks always heat when he's around and I love it when he holds my hand because it allows me to believe, even for a short while, that he likes me back.

I would share an orange with him.

I've realised what the poets write about. Who they write about when talking about splitting an orange. I understand the feelings and emotions that pass through me whenever I think of him, not that I could ever articulate those thought out loud.

Marla turns to face me and squeals and Danny's smiling so bright I think I might pass out from the intensity of it.

She's got a beautiful smile. They both do.

I wish I looked half as pretty as them. Maybe Elijah would like me back if I did.

They're both so different but still so beautiful in their own ways. Marla with her fair skin, dirty blonde hair and grey eyes. And Daniela with her glowy brown skin, chocolate brown eyes and beautifully done, almost jet black braids.

They're both beautiful people.

I wish I was a beautiful person. I know that I'm not. Gotten used to it even. But sometimes I find myself getting sad over the fact that I'm not even half as pretty as other people.

Everyone around me seems to glow. They all seem so sure in themselves. Marla with her cheerleading, Daniela with her poetry, Ajax with his hockey. They all know what they like, what they want to do, who they are as people.

I just feel lost.

I just want to feel, even for a moment like I'm not all together too much for people.

I give them a half smile back. Tapping my fingers against my thighs in a repeated pattern, as I always do whenever my thoughts seem to get to sad.

Marla wraps her arms around me and I feel a little less sad.

"I knew you did." She lets go of me, turning in Danny's direction. "You owe me a tenner."

Daniela grumbles something incoherent and hands Marla a ten pound note from out of her bra. "You betted on me?"

Danny throws me a sheepish smile as Marla tucks her money into her purse. "I bet Elijah would realise first."

"Are you going to tell him?" Marla turns to me, reapplying her mascara without even looking in the mirror, I wish I had that confidence.

She's going for a soft, clean look, only mascara and some lip balm since she plans to go in the water and it'll wash off. Not that she even needs makeup anyway she looks beautiful without it. But she said she finds it fun, sort of like art, making something new and I can understand what she means. Though I do it to feel prettier.