Oblivious

28 // Need to connect us

Cingulomania
(n.) a strong desire to hold a person in your arms

-Elora-

"How come we never hang out at your house?"

Elijah glances at me, turns back to the road, eyebrows furrowed, jaw clenched, his hands on the wheel tighten.

I turn my whole body to face him, taking a lick of the ice cream he bought me. His reaction makes me want to take the question back, he's clearly uncomfortable, doesn't want to talk about it. A bigger part of me, the selfish part, doesn't take it back. It's wants to know, is curious. I want to know all of him, the good, the bad, and the in between.

Elijah says nothing, shrugs once. I sigh, he glances at me, still says nothing, I leave it at that.

We pull up to a red light and I offer Elijah my ice cream. He sends me a smile, takes the ice cream, licks it, offers it back, starts the car again.

I take another lick, cheeks heated. Indirect kiss.

Elijah pulls upto my house, stops the car, doesn't make a move to leave. Sitting and waiting I offer him my ice cream again, he shakes his head, offers a one sided smile, let's out a heavy breathe and is out of the car and opening my door before I have to the chance to understand his actions.

Elijah walks with me to the door. "What are you doing?"

Elijah stares at me for a moment, runs a hand through his hair, rustles the curls, blinks 3 times, finally smiles. "Pack a bag."

"What? Why?"

He follows me up the stairs, says hello to pumpkin, sits on my bed as he waits for me. "We're going my house."

Elijah doesn't look at me as he says it, instead stares at the floor where pumpkin is sitting in between his legs. "Elijah."

He looks up at me, doesn't smile, jaw tightly clenched. My insides fold, I didn't mean to make him feel uncomfortable. Pressured. "I'm fine staying here."

He tilts his head, studies me, smiles. Something passes over his face. It's a raw look, makes my insides burn. He looks small and fragile like he's never been offered a choice before. As though he's just always had to suffer through. It didn't matter if it made him uncomfortable, pressured, uneasy, all that mattered is that he powered through.

I don't want him to feel that way with me.

Looking down at the jumper in my hand I replace it into my wardrobe. Avoiding his eyes as I say, "I didn't mean to make you feel pressured."

Elijah stands, moves to stand in front of me before I have the chance to blink. "You didn't."

"I think it would be better if I stay here."

Elijah groans, rubs a hand over his face, stares at me, narrows his eyes, and in a swift movement has me back against the wall, his hands on either side of my head, caging me in.

"Daze." Elijah flattens his palm against the wall. "I wouldn't offer if I didn't want it, okay?"

I stare at his chest, refusing to meet his eyes because I know my cheeks are heated. He's got a black shirt on, it's a little tight, shows off his arms when he moves.

"I just don't want you to feel like you have to." Still refusing to meet his eyes I grab ahold of his shirt just for something to do with my hands. My breathing isn't right, I feel too hot, my knees feel like jelly.

I can feel his gaze burning down at me, willing me to look at him. I refuse. Tug at his shirt a little. One his of hands leave the wall next to my head and moves under my chin, tilting it till we're making eye contact.

He stares down at me, me up at him, my insides are burning, stomach fluttering. He looks so pretty.

He doesn't say anything and I want to kiss him.

His lips have parted, his tongue darting out to wet them. His hairs a little wet from the sea, sticking to his forehead, his lips are slightly tilted into a small smile, and his thumbs running lines along my cheek.

The moment is all together to much. The need to connect us too compelling.

But I refuse to break it.

It's to important to me. He's to important to me to mess up because I decided to be greedy and ask for more than he's willing to give.

I like him. Too much. I'll get over it.

But then he does things like this. Traps me against walls. Rubs his thumb along my cheek. Makes me feel safe and happy. Calls me daze. And the illusion is broken. I can no longer lie to myself.

There's no getting over Elijah Parker.

I'll just have to learn to deal with it.

Something is better than nothing.

Elijah leans down, kisses my forehead, his hand still cradling my face.

My insides freeze up and I don't know what to do other than grasp his shirt tighter for some form of stability.

He lingers there, longer than he should. Whispers something that nearly escapes me. "God, you're beautiful."

~