My Life with Death

Hoover's University of Paleontology, LV, NV, April 9, 2008, 5:48 p.m.

I went here and there. I didn't stand for a while but didn't sit either. I couldn't concentrate. I had so much on my mind, so many questions and no answers. He made me so angry.

Why is he here?

Why him?

The breeze was light. The sun was still high in the sky, turning from yellow to orange to red. The moon and a few stars were already visible. It was busy in the city below me. Streets are crowded with cars and tour buses with tourists. Casinos playing the same looped song had a New Year's Eve atmosphere around the clock. The people who spent time there didn't care if it was a weekday or a weekend night. They just threw coins into the machines and lost thousands of dollars. A typical cycle. Nothing unusual. On the ground on the roof coverings - where I was all too often - I had my notes, police files, photos, and coffee. I walked around, staring at them. I didn't even know what I wanted to find in them. And I kept questioning my abilities. But I tried to think of something and come up with something that others had not seen before me.