My Life with Death

Charier Motel, Charier Avenue, Palisades, Room #11

January 8, 2019, 10:01 p.m.

I knocked on the door—a little at first and then a little more. The door opened. He was standing in front of me. I couldn't believe my eyes. I did not think that he would arrive and that I would see him again. I suddenly didn't know what to do. I stood in front of the door as if nailed to the ground. I couldn't even move.

"Hello," he said. "Come on," he urged me. He leaned against the door to make way for me and let me in with a gentlemanly gesture. He then closed the door behind us.

"I need to talk to you," I said entirely dispassionately. He nodded. "You don't want to sit down," he jumped off the topic and sat down on the edge of the bed himself.

I sat down, but not next to him. I sat down on the chair opposite the bed. I discreetly touched my gun under my jacket to ensure I was safe. He looked at me very innocently and kindly.

"Come...sit with me, Alexis."

"Hey Kent, I don't have time to...I have to go again, but I have one thing to do," He listened. He even reached out to me to be closer to me. Then he touched my hand. I cringed.

"This is interesting, you know... You dragged me out outside the city in the middle of the night. One would think something," he pointed out. "and now you tell me you have to leave again. I haven't seen you in such a long time," he added.

"I wonder...," I cleared my throat. "do you have anything to do with what's happening to me now? With everything going on around me? Are you following me? Did you send people after me who wanted to kill me?'

He looked surprised but said nothing. He didn't answer. He just sat and was silent. I looked into his eyes. You always told me everything, but this time I didn't know. I saw nothing in them, as if there was nothing in them, as if they were empty. He was also looking at me differently than I was looking at him, and at that moment, I saw something in his eyes. I saw something there that drew me to him like a magnet. His magic. The magic of his soul in the glow of chestnut eyes.

"Don't look at me like that and answer," I said with disgust, my hands shaking with nervousness. "Answer," I raised my voice. "Answer my questions so I can leave," I repeated. I couldn't even talk to him. "Okay. You made your own decision," I said, annoyed, and got up from my chair as I was ready to leave.

"What's wrong with you, Alexis?" he suddenly said as I stood in front of the door with one hand on the handle.

I was waiting and hoping, and I don't know what for. But suddenly, as if I froze. I stood with my back to him and said, "I'm not going to be here a second longer if you don't answer me immediately," angrily. "and you know what, let it be. I don't even know why I came here?" I added. Silence followed again. I touched the doorknob and squeezed it tightly.

"Because you love me."

I sighed and turned to face him.

"And you?" I asked calmly.

"I?"

"Do you love me?" I asked again.

I couldn't resist any longer and couldn't even wait for answers. I wanted to touch him from the moment I stepped inside. From the first moment I saw him in the doorway, I tried to kiss him. I couldn't transform myself anymore. I could no longer hold back what I longed for so much.

He touched my face. It was like a caress to the soul. He was so close. I could feel his beating heart. Under the chocolate muscles, under the sternum, his hidden lion heart. I felt him. I could feel his strength within him—every fold of his body and skin. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to feel the power of his spirit through the touch of my hand. He was like a fighting lion, but I was no lioness. I was his prey. I let myself be caught. I didn't resist him. I liked it, even a lot.

I loved his touch on my body. Before long, I had goosebumps; a chill poured over me, but immediately I was filled with heat. I felt hot everywhere. I gasped for breath. I tried to breathe. I looked deep into his eyes. I was shaking. He was still gripping my body. He was touching my skin, my hair. I couldn't stop looking into those brown eyes. He reached for my gun. He pulled it out of the case and threw it on the ground. He kissed me more and more. More intense and more intense. He pushed me against the wall. The breathing increased. My heart rate quickened. The intensity of passion in the room was indescribable. He took off my coat and gradually started unbuttoning my shirt. I took off his shirt. I was touching every part of his body. I squeezed his strong arms. We tore off the rest of our clothes and threw them on the ground. It was dark everywhere. There was ice and cold around, but it was suddenly wholly dissolved.

"Touch me. Melt the ice that grips my heart. I wanted to be in your arms and press my hands around your body. To feel safe again," I whispered in his ear.

January 9, 2019, 1:17 a.m.

I was lying in his lap. Our fingers intertwined. I looked deeply up, where his big brown eyes were staring at me. Our naked bodies were touching, and there was heat from the cold.

January 9, 2019, 4:20 a.m.

"You have no idea how alike we are. We are driven by hatred, malice, and guilt."

- You know who

January 9, 2019, 5:48 a.m.

When I woke up, I was both happy and guilty. I hated myself for what I had done. I felt like a whore who goes to enjoy sex in a motel on the outskirts of town where no one can see and recognize her. It was still dark outside. I wanted to get out as quickly as possible. Sneak out and go away. I quietly got up and picked up all my scattered things on the ground. I dressed up. I couldn't find my gun when I saw it lying under the table by the door. I took her in my hand and left. The door clicked softly behind me.

January 9, 2019, 8:19 a.m.

"We are the same. We are cold-blooded."

- You know who

January 9, 2019, 10:18 a.m.

"... But what am I explaining here at length? You know how I felt. You know the feeling of having the blood of innocent people running down your hands."

- You know who