My Life with Death

Mount Charleston, Nevada, January 9, 2009, 9:13 p.m.

 Darkness, nothing but darkness. I could feel the moisture. I smelled something. I was touching things around me. They were moist in clay, soil, and leaves. I was breathing harder and harder. I had to get out of there and as fast as possible. I started digging around with my hands. I slowly uncovered the ground around me and on me. I was lying in some hole in the damp forest floor. It was cold. I was shaking. My fingers were brittle, and my nails were frost blue. I rummaged around. I tried to dig up the soil that was everywhere around me.

Suddenly, I saw stars and the night sky. I knew. I hoped I was out of it. But I still didn't know where I was and how I would get out of there. I needed to get away quickly. I slowly got up. I rubbed my palms together. I tried to warm up at least a little. I looked around me. I was still in shock. I needed help understanding what happened and how I got there. I could barely stand on my feet. I had them frozen to the bone. It hurt. They were still not completely healed from the explosion. The scars burned me as if the frost was stabbing them. It was excruciating pain. She couldn't stand it. I needed to orient myself in space. I looked around me. I didn't know which direction I should go.

9:17 p.m.

Shot. A shot rang out from somewhere. Again. The sound terrified me. I instinctively fell to the ground. I tried to crawl away as fast as possible in the direction where trees were growing under which I could hide. But it was far. The grave I successfully rose from was in a forest clearing. There were leaves, grass, soil, and moss on the ground, but no trees or bushes. It was too far from the nearest higher growth. I tried. When I was further away, I stood up again and ran. It was faster, but suddenly, another shot came from the same direction. The second shot that hit me this time. The bullet went through my thigh, just above the knee. I fell to the ground again. I looked back toward the shots, but there was nothing there. I didn't see anyone there. It was too dark—too deep a night.