My Life with Death

Psychiatric Office of Eric Stevenson, 454 North Monroe Street, Arlington

The psychological session with a woman detained for a court hearing - February 2, 2019:

"I heard what happened to you," he said. "do you remember what I told you...speak," he prompted.

"It was impossible... I had to choose between family and death. I will die anyway, but how quickly and under what circumstances? Because this very decision was to determine how quickly I would die and by whose hand. I fought a great internal battle with myself that will never end. The struggle of a person with his own body and soul. An internal battle with yourself. Fight with your body, with your soul, and especially with your mind and with your own beliefs. It's a battle of good versus evil. The man struggles with his principles, believing that the world is evil. That's why I wanted to fight for justice all my life. Of course, I did, but I also changed my views on perfect love falling apart like a house of cards. Making a decision is the most important and, at the same time, the hardest thing in my life. To make a life decision in a stressful situation, when I am dying or have to be separated from my family, work, and friends. How are people attracted to us by a certain thing, which ultimately becomes fatal in separating from those closest to us and suddenly becoming strangers in their world? He put a bullet in my heart to that temple of love. He wanted to kill me. He wanted to kill my love. He shot me. He sent a bullet into my body..."

He put the notebook in which he was writing notes aside. He sat closer to me. He touched my hand. Very gently.

"I'm so sorry.