The Closer I Get To You

UNSTEADY

Michelle is free-falling, and there is no stopping it now. She knew the risk. That there would come a day that Anntonia has to choose, and there's a possibility that she'll lose in the end.

But how do you stop yourself from feeling about someone? Not only did she fall face first, she also didn't know how to recover from it.

Joining Miss Universe is a challenge, but who knew it was more challenging to be with someone who in the end they might just leave you? She's scared to ask. She doesn't even want to demand anything from her, because she's aware of where she stands with Anntonia.

She has her now, that much is true, but until when? Do they end it after the Coronation Night? Does she have to let go sooner rather than later?

Michelle's already into deep, and she dreads the day that it would all end. But at least they have created some wonderful memories together, right?

Her heart feels like it would combust. She sighed, closing her eyes. She couldn't even imagine not talking to her, couldn't imagine not touching her, to not kiss those lips that should belong to her and only to her.

But alas! There's a possibility that she might not get to do those things anymore.

It was one of those nights. After a long day of doing rehearsals, interviews and photoshoots, Michelle is drained. Beat tired from all the preparations they have to do.

Spending so much time with Anntonia makes her a bit guilty. She was so focused on the pageant and Anntonia that she's starting to neglect her best friend.

She needed someone to talk to, a person whom she can just let it all out. And Rhian is the person for that, if only she could tell her what was happening between her and Anntonia.

Rhian wouldn't judge her, but she knew her best friend would tell her the reality of her predicament. How nice would it be to introduce Ann to her? Maybe they'll get along very well. Who knew? However, Michelle thinks that it's best to keep it all to herself for now.

It felt good to have a connection with someone without anyone meddling. But as she thought it through, her heart faltered.

She is becoming someone's dirty little secret. Not knowing Anntonia's plan, would she choose to be with her? Or maybe it's easier to just stay with Irfan?

Was it just a fling? Were they just having fun? Because in her heart of hearts, it's becoming serious. There's no one to blame but herself, though. This is what she's chosen, and though one day it would only cause her a heartbreak, she'll keep on loving her until times to pack things up, and set her free.

That thought makes her want to cry.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Asks the very person who's been running through her mind since they've confessed their feelings for each other.

They were inside her suite, hanging out with each other.

She shrugged. "Where to even begin?"

"Try me."

"Just thinking about you." She replied, a hint of a sad smile visible on her face.

"Then why the sad face? Thinking of me makes you sad?"

She stood by the window, overlooking El Salvador's city lights.

"You'd tell me, right?" She suddenly asks.

"Tell you what?" Anntonia's brows furrowing.

"If you don't want to do this anymore? You'd let me know, right?"

Anntonia's face fell.

Biting her lips, it almost drew blood.

"I want you to tell me, when do I have to stop?" Her voice cracked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Because if you don't, then I might not let you go."

"Michelle, where is this coming from?"

"I was just thinking, all of this is about to end. Don't get me wrong, I won't forget all the memories we've created here. But that's about it, right? I couldn't and wouldn't ask for more of what you could give me because I have no right. Beggars can't be choosers."

Anntonia swallowed. Those words hit her hard. Like a slap into reality.

"So, please, please, let me know when you want me to stop."

Her chin quivered. "Can you do it?" She couldn't even fathom asking her that question.

"When-if I ask you, are you really going to do it? You'd let me go?"

"Even if I know it's going to kill me, when you ask, I'll do it. Not that I don't want to fight for you. I just feel like whenever I'm with you, spending time with you and then you'd get a call or text from him, I can see myself not winning the fight."

So that's what it is about.

"Look, I don't want us to argue about this, okay? I'm just tired."

There's a pang on Anntonia's chest. Many questions invaded her mind.

Tired of what? Of them? Of being with her? Of being a secret? Fear enclosed her entire being.

"So what are you saying?" She asks, dreading the answer.

"What is there for me to say?"

"I'm so sorry."

Stormy eyes gazed at her sadly.

"What are you even sorry for?"

"For all of this. I'm sorry for many things, and I hate it so much that you're feeling this way. That I'm hurting you because I couldn't make a decision, at least not yet. Irfan is safer and I love him, and I couldn't just turn my back on him. But-"

Hurt registers in Michelle's features, but she schooled her face and nodded her head in understanding.

"Okay. I got it."

It seemed like the world was mocking her in the face. Anntonia's phone rings. Already know who it is, even without checking the caller ID.

Michelle clenches her jaw tightly, trying her best not to falter in front of her.

"You have to take that."

The last thing Anntonia wanted to do was leave her. Because this is not how their conversation is supposed to end. There were still so many things she wanted to say, but the persistent caller wouldn't stop ringing her phone.

"Don't worry about me. I'm okay. I just need time to think and it's him, so you have to answer it."

"'Michelle.."

Letting her tears fall, Michelle glanced at her, waiting patiently for what she had to say.

"A-are we going to be okay?"

"I don't know."

Had she known that leaving her that night was the start of Michelle distancing herself from her, Anntonia should've just stayed.

She made Michelle feel like she already made up her mind, even without telling her.

And now the girl is out of her grasp. As though she's already accepted that what they had won't work no matter how much they try.