The Closer I Get To You

TOUGH LOVE

How much is too much when loving someone? How much could you give knowing they could only offer a tiny piece of themselves because the bigger part already belonged to someone else?

And if something breaks and you try to fix it with your bare hands, the possibility of hurting yourself is eminent, or if you succeed, the pieces that you carefully put together will never look the same way again.

But still, you try. You try because it's better to keep it with you rather than throwing it away. You hold on to it because it only happens once in a lifetime, and you're scared that you won't ever find something so special ever again.

Just like love. Just a four-letter word, but it could totally make you feel high for how good it feels. Most times, it makes you so vulnerable because it could disarm and wound you in just a snap.

You take what they can give, only for them to take it all back and leave you with nothing. Just when you feel like you're already getting it right, but then it totally fucks you up and prove you wrong.

It should give you peace, but on the other hand, it should also hurt. Because that's when you know that it wasn't a sham after all.

Those times where you tear your brains out on how to hold on to it just so it won't slip out of your grasp. Until it wasn't yours to have anymore.

Just like that, Ann watched her disappear from her sight. She watched her leave again. It does something inside her. The bile from her stomach rising in her throat, that it makes her want to vomit as she recalls Michelle's words over and over like a broken record.

How their almost perfect last day in Mexico was ruined by just a normal phone call that she refused to take. Because she's a coward. When all that Michelle was trying to do was to stand by her side, Ann took it the wrong way and pushed her away.

"And if it's him.. you'd tell me honestly, right?"

That one felt like a punch in the gut. A visceral reaction that's doing with one Michelle Dee, and seeing her slowly lose confidence that their love will make it till the end felt like a cold bucket of iced water washing over her. Her words just kept playing over and over in her head.

Ann couldn't do anything but stand there and stare at her. She couldn't feel her legs, couldn't even move her lips to speak because she couldn't think of anything to say after Michelle had let it all out. Even when she was about to walk away, Ann couldn't stop her.

When all that she wanted to do was wrap her arms around her and tell her that she didn't mean to be so on edge, that she was just still scared of what was going to happen. That she was just scared that she'll lose her completely.

She's scared of what Michelle's words and all this means to them? When Michelle said she'll give her some time to think about what she really wants, does it mean it's over for them?

The pain registered all throughout her body, feeling her heart as if it's going to leap out of her chest.

Because really, how badly would you have to hurt someone for them to die of pain? Ann wonders. There must be a fine line, too– cause them too much pain and hurt them too badly, and they might die from it. How could she cause someone immense suffering without ending life immediately?

Ann could see clearly now that what they have was real. And she's going to be the dumbest person on earth if she'll ever let the woman she loves disappear from her life for good.

—

She ran as fast as she could just so she could catch up with her. Not even bothered if people would see her like a crazy person, running around the hotel to catch a glimpse of her girlfriend.