The Closer I Get To You

COME HITHER (Part 1)

On one rainy night, for the first time after making it official with Ann. Michelle wished that for just one night, if she could just stop to feel. Asking anyone or anything in the universe if she could just not feel the exhausting need to see her, to be in the same space as her, the need to love her as much as she needed air to breathe.

Exhausting herself at work did little to help lessen the heaviness she's feeling after her conversation with Ann over the phone. Even hanging out with her friends to get her mind off things didn't work. A few days have gone by with Ann still trying to reach out to her, but she couldn't get herself to pick up the phone.

Part of her was mad and still hurt, though she was grateful that her girlfriend had been so honest about what happened. She's trying her best to wrap her head around it, because she understood where Ann was coming from. They were together for three years and she couldn't just shake what she had with Irfan in just one day.

Then there's also a part of her that was scared. What if Ann was calling her to say that she changed her mind about ending things with Irfan and she's actually choosing to stay with the man?

And the engagement ring? Fuck. Michelle felt like she's gonna go crazy for overthinking. She missed her. God, does she miss her. It's been seven days since that argument with Ann and she couldn't stop thinking about it. Thinking about her.

That fight really blew up on both of their faces and she felt her heart constricted as she remembered how frightened she was while telling her the details of what went on between her and Irfan.

Even after reading Ann's series of messages, pleading with her to just hear her out, let her explain because she was wrong to say such things to her. She got irrational and the first thing that came into her mind was her imagination of the woman she loves and Irfan kissing.

While in her lonely hour, her phone vibrated and saw that Ann was calling her.

Should she answer? Of course not. She ignored it. Allowed it to ring, watched it ring and stop and then ring again. Michelle went about her day, paying attention to her pet dogs, and she had a few drinks with Rhian, who sat across from her. Eventually turning the phone face down on the island counter in front of them.

Her phone remained in that position until Ann hadn't called back and she never tried contacting either. Her girlfriend had left her messages throughout that time and they had gone unread. Messages she never bothered opening, messages she knew wouldn't make any difference. At least not now.

I'm sorry, as much as I wanted to believe you right now- she stopped, shaking her head.

"Why are you shaking your head like a mad person?"

She took a swig of her drink, grimacing at the bitter taste of alcohol.

"Should we switch to hard ones? I know you hate beer."

"Nah, this is fine."

"It's been a week since I saw you get a proper sleep. What's wrong?" Her friend asked, and Michelle just shook her head.

"It was nothing. Just had an argument with Ann s'all."

"About what?"

She took a deep breath, her eyes trained on the bottle she was holding. "They broke up, I know that much, but he left an engagement ring for her to consider taking him back. He kissed her and she sort of kissed him back because 'he's familiar'." She said air-quoting the last part.

Rhian could see the hurt on her friend's features.

"And now you're drinking your heart out, when you literally could just reach for your phone and answer her damn calls."