The Closer I Get To You

YOU WIN SOME; YOU LOSE SOME

It has been a journey. After many months of preparation, the long hours of travel. Meeting everyone. The activities and events they did and attended together, those were the memories she'll make sure to last.

It has been a privilege to represent her country for this year's pageant. But just like any other pageants and competitions, there would be only one who's destined to win.

Though, this one just so happened to not be for her. She's devastated and sad. She's not going to lie about it. But knowing how much love and support she's got before, during, and after the pageant makes her, at least feel better.

Even though she didn't make through the Top 5, and it would have been so great to experience answering the questions, or have the potential to win, still, Michelle did not lament over her loss, she soldiered on. She'll take her time to process everything.

But having the fulfilment of showcasing everyone what she's capable of, what she's transpired to, how the pageantry molded her for what she is now, truly, it has been a great lesson for her.

It's not the end of the world. Though she didn't get the chance to bring home the crown, she knew she gave her best.

Anntonia made it. She couldn't be happier and proud of her. Their relationship predicament aside, she knew if there's another person who deserves to win, it would be Anntonia.

As she wraps her head around it, she realises she's more sad about what's going on between them than her losing the pageant. Because this one she knows would give her a lot of opportunities, she could still continue helping other people, inspire other people.

But what does one do when it comes to fixing what was broken? She has yet to think of how and when she's going to start picking up the shards of her broken heart.

—

After they had announced the Top 5, she and the other ladies who didn't make it made their way to the back.

They gave her a tight hug from her team, asking if she's okay. She is okay, but not the greatest. She and the girls watched as the pageant proceeded to the Q & A.

Seeing Anntonia in that gown took her breath away. She's gorgeous, always has been. But this one, she couldn't take her eyes away off of the screen.

"You can do it. I'm proud of you."

Last night, after their brief moment inside the elevator, helped her realise so many things. She was hurting, and would not downplay it, but she felt guilty, especially when she remembered telling Anntonia that she'll accept anything whatever the girl could give her. Be it her love or her friendship.

However, she also realised that it wasn't easy. To be just friends with someone whom you fell in love with and still love. It would take a lot from her, but she's going to do it.

—

It's getting ridiculous how each time they get to talk about their relationship or lack thereof, they can't compromise. It's always either of them leaves the room.

And honestly, she's tired of it. If only she could love and take care of her freely, without hurting someone else. Michelle thinks she'd be the happiest person in the universe if that would happen.

How nice it would've been to kiss her, woo, and to sweep Anntonia off her feet. And maybe make love to her.

Michelle chuckled inwardly. So much for distancing herself.

Too much, Michelle. Too much.

Everyone was called to be on stage for the announcement. Michelle didn't know why she suddenly felt nervous.