The Closer I Get To You

LOSING BATTLE

Anntonia's heart is pounding in her ears. With Michelle this close to her, she's sure that the other girl could hear it too.

She so badly wanted to lean in closer and close the gap between them. But she knew the moment she did that, everything would never be the same again.

And wasn't Michelle just talking about respecting her boundaries and relationship with Irfan? Yet, her mind kept thinking how it would feel to kiss those lips. She's trying her best not to look down because God, Michelle, would probably think she's a creep.

They were still inside Michelle's suite, her hand still in the other girl's grasp.

Michelle was right. There are still so many things they need to talk about, so many things to think through and on top of things they still have a pageant to win.

She couldn't get Michelle's words out of her mind, though. The other girl just laid it all out for her, and it amazes her how easy it was for Michelle to be this raw and honest in front of her.

Learning that the girl she's starting to have feelings from feels the same way, Ann doesn't know if it should make her happy or sad. If there's one thing that she's learned about her is that she always wears her heart on her sleeve.

Ready to take what she can only give, even if she knows a part of her would get hurt. It shouldn't be this hard, the answer shouldn't be that difficult to process.

"Why?" she asked quietly.

The question wasn't as vague. Because Michelle knew what she was asking.

"Because that's who I am. If the only way to have you is to be just your friend, then I'm okay with it."

Michelle sighed. "Look, I'm sorry if I'm confusing you. I'm not even going to ask you to like me back because you're in a relationship and how could I even compete with him?"

There was a pang in her chest upon hearing those words.

"He's your everything. He's the love of your life and then there's me. I'm," she swallowed, "I'm your nothing." She rasped, chuckling bitterly.

"A few more weeks and this is all gonna be over and you're gonna go back to your normal life, you're gonna go back in his arms and then what am I gonna do? I'm saying all these things to you because I was just thinking about the reality of things between us."

This time, Anntonia feels like crying. It hurts. Hearing those words coming from Michelle hurts. She should be feeling guilty because it feels like she's already cheating. But seeing the sadness in her face makes her heart constrict.

"You think you mean nothing to me?"

Michelle lifts her shoulders in a shrug. Anntonia let go of her hand, making Michelle wince.

"God, do you even know how hard it is to not act on my feelings for you? You've seen it today, how I've almost lost my shit just by seeing you laughing and being close to someone else. And I shouldn't be feeling like that, Michelle. And I'm-"

She paused, heavily breathing. "I'm already cheating on my boyfriend because of the feelings I have towards you. You just- God, you do these things for me that makes me lose all of my inhibitions and slowly- though I'm trying my hardest to fight it, because it's not right, but you're making me fall for you."

Michelle closed her eyes, wanting to massage her head because this was causing her a massive headache.

"Do you think this is easy for me? I just long admitted that I like you. You're right, everything is going too fast between us, but you- all you have to do is stand in front of me and all I want to do is hold you and never let go. But dammit, how can I do that? What right do I have to do that?"