Love Persist

Kabanata 2 - Absolute rightness is elusive! Whose guilt must be defended?

Isang linggo na ang nakalipas mula nang magsimulang magturo si Professor Gil sa amin. At sa tuwing klase niya, para kaming na-eembalsamo ng buhay. Walang oras sa klase niya na walang impromptu debate na nagaganap.

It was always a nerve-wracking experience.

Ngayon ang pangatlong session namin sa kaniya. Namumutla na naman kaming lahat dahil nasa harapan namin siya. Tangan-tangan niya ang mga index card kung saan nakasulat ang aming mga pangalan at nirerecord ang mga grado namin sa bawat recitation.

"If I'm not mistaken, I sent a reading material in our group chat and I instructed you to read the first chapter of the content. Am I correct?" she said, her eyes darting around as she laboriously shuffled the index cards in her slender fingers.

"Yes, professor."

Palihim kong kinalabit ang katabi ko. "Anong group chat ang pinagsasabi ni prof?"

Heidi tilted her head to the side. "Don't tell me you haven't been added to our gc yet?"

I internally facepalmed. So, ibig sabihin ako lang ang walang alam sa amin dito?

"Hindi ko nga alam na may gc na pala tayo, e."

May group chat na pala kami kay Professor Gil pero walang may nag-add sa akin. I was getting a bit anxious about what were gonna do today because I had no idea what kind of reading material Professor Gil was referring to. At isa pa, sino ba ang hindi kakabahan kapag malagay sa ganitong sitwasyon.

"I expect that you have thoroughly read and comprehended the material as we will be having a graded recitation today that will test your understanding of the content."

Ang makakasagot pala sa recitation ay bibigyan ng 95. Ang hindi makasagot ay tatayo sa klase at bibigyan ng 65. Iyong 95 ay nakadepende sa sagot namin kaya maaaring mas mababa roon ang grade na makukuha namin.

Walang umangal sa mga kaklase ko ngunit halo-halong emosyon ang makikita sa mga mukha nila. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang kaba nila. Samantala, ang kaba na nararamdaman ko ngayon ay tatlong beses na mas matindi kaysa sa kanila.

Isa ito sa mga sandaling wala ka nang ibang magawa kundi ang magdasal at ipaubaya ang lahat sa Panginoon. Nawa'y gabayan ako ni Lord.

"Mateo, stand up."

Crap.

Dahan-dahan akong tumayo nang nakayuko. Naririnig ko ang bawat pintig ng puso ko, halos hindi ako makahinga. The scrutiny gazes of my classmates and the shrewd eyes of Professor Gil were making me incredibly nervous.

"Should I call another person, Mateo?" seryoso na tanong ni professor.

I immediately looked up and stared at her in surprise. "P-po?"

"I already asked you a question, but it seems like you're not listening to me."

I looked down at the person next to me and mouthed, "Ano 'yong tanong—"

"Pay attention to what I'm saying, Mateo. Do you have an answer to the question, or do you want to stand in my class?"

Napayuko ako. Parang gusto ko na lang maglaho. Hindi ko narinig ang tanong niya dahil nagspace out ako. Nahihiya rin akong ipaulit ang tanong dahil baka mainis siya sa akin.

"Listen carefully because I won't repeat the question. Do you understand?" Her voice suddenly softened, or maybe I was imagining things because that was unlikely to happen. I could sense that she was disappointed.

And I bet I look like an idiot right now.

I nodded and answered, "Understood, professor."

"Could you elucidate the distinctions between government and governance, as well as whether governance can exist autonomously without a government?" Her voice grew softer and quieter until at last I could no longer hear her voice.