Love Persist

Kabanata 36 - The moment calls for genuine emotions to intertwine.

The clock seemed to tick impossibly slowly as the seconds stretched into an eternity. I watched as a range of emotions passed across her face, as if she were processing my confession. Her silence hung heavy in the air, creating an unbearable tension. Natatakot ako that the weight of her response would crush me, ngunit alam ko rin na staying in limbo was no longer an option.

Sa wakas, after what felt like an eternity, suminghap siya ng malalim and broke the silence. "I should remind you that I am your professor, Heaven. I hope you are not forgetting that the boundaries between us are clearly defined. We are here to clarify things between us, not for laughs or entertainment."

I ducked my head, feeling a mix of disappointment and embarrassment settled on my shoulders. "I'm not joking around. I'm being honest with you," I said, my voice filled with sincerity.

"Look, there's nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings," she replied gently. "I'm just telling you that we need to approach this situation with caution and respect for the boundaries in place. We need to talk about this carefully."

I honestly didn't understand where she was coming from.

Ano ba ang iniisip niya?

Iniisip niya ba na hindi ko alam ang ginagawa ko?

Hindi niya ba naisip na tinitingnan ko rin ang mga kahihinatnan?

If she really cared about the boundaries and maintaining a professional relationship, she wouldn't have let things go as far as they did. Why did she allow things to escalate last night?

Pabalik-balik na umiikot sa isipan ko ang mga saloobin na ito, subalit alam kong ang pagpapahayag ng mga ito ay magdudulot lamang ng mas malalim na complication sa situation namin.

"I am willing to openly discuss any boundaries that need to be addressed," I assured her, my voice steady. "If you want to maintain a strictly professional relationship, I understand and respect that. Pero Ceci, hayaan mo rin naman ako na maging totoo sa nararamdaman ko. I want to voice out that there were moments where our interactions blurred those boundaries. I know we can't lie about that. And yes, I take responsibility for my part in that."

Sa pagkakataong iyon, I picked up on the nuances of her body language habang nakikinig siya sa akin. It was clear that she was cautious and guarded, holding her emotions close. At dahil doon, nagkaroon pa ako ng lakas na loob para magpatuloy sa pagsasalita.

"My intention of bringing up my feelings is not to undermine or disregard the boundaries between us. You can't blame me for feeling conflicted given the mixed signals that existed between us. Hindi ako sure kung ano ang pagtingin mo sa akin and I know that you don't approve of my confessions to you, pero sinisigurado ko sa'yo na I'm committed to handling my feelings even without your reciprocation. All I want is for you to understand the impact this has had on me."

Umiwas siya ng tingin at makikita sa ekspresyon niya ang pag-aalinlangan.

"What can I say, this is turning out to be even worse than I imagined," she remarked, placing her hand on her forehead and giving it a gentle massage.

"Ano'ng ibig mong sabihin?"

When she glanced back at me, her gaze was unfocused but filled with intense seriousness. "I expected that you would simply let go and move forward from the events of last night, as if it were something we were meant to forget just like what happened before."

I bit my lower lip and felt a twinge of guilt in my heart as memories resurfaced of denying my feelings and avoiding her after our first kiss. Inaamin kong napakatanga ko that time kasi iniwasan ko siya, but I already learned my lesson. Ayaw ko nang maulit ang nangyari dati kaya nga nagpapakatotoo na ako sa nararamdaman ko ngayon.