Love Persist

Kabanata 21 - All is not as it seems; there is more than meets the eye.

When we first met by accident, my initial impression of Heaven was that she was particularly immature, careless, ignorant, and, to put it frankly, delinquent. What kind of an idiot strolled through a packed hallway, completely oblivious to their surroundings, and proceeded to slam into me and ruin my blouse with a cold drink? I couldn't fathom that it was just some student's doing, because honestly, Heaven didn't even look like a proper student. I found it quite baffling that she didn't even have the decency to wear a school ID, which was the most basic way to recognize someone as a student. It was truly disturbing how she left an indelibly menacing impression on me. Instead of taking responsibility for her actions, she chose to run away, leaving me feeling even more frustrated. Talk about a total disaster—discovering that she was one of my students just added another layer to my already miserable day. It was a trial-by-fire situation where she had to face the heat and experience what it was like to be on the other side, hoping it would teach her a lesson. So, basically, during her first week in my class, she went through an intense ordeal.

While I had always been labeled as a strict teacher since the beginning of my career, it was not something that I necessarily relished. Over the years, I grew accustomed to this reputation. Despite the intimidating kind of teacher I may be perceived as, Heaven never shied away from any challenges I presented to her. Instead, she faced them head-on. I encountered challenges in creating a lasting impression on my students, and equally, it was not always commonplace for me to be impressed by their performance. But Heaven managed to pique my interest through her exemplary performance in my class. I must admit that she was unlike any other student I had encountered thus far. It was not conventional admiration but rather a recognition of her consistent improvement and effort. Although she may not have been the top-performing student academically, she demonstrated cleverness and resourcefulness that set her apart from her classmates.

It was my responsibility to push my students to reach their limits and discover their true potential. In doing so, I needed to have a deep understanding of their strengths and weaknesses. It may sound counterproductive, but there have been instances where I have used this knowledge as a way to see how far they can truly go. Heaven possessed a tendency to elicit intimidation; however, she perpetually displayed her resilience by never succumbing to defeat or retreat, which at times made her both aggravating and insufferable to deal with. Regardless of my intentions to adhere to my teaching principles and uphold my rules, I ended up somehow hurting her using my approach, which left me feeling responsible for the discomfort I unintentionally caused. Coincidentally, my associations with Heaven exceeded the boundaries of the four walls of the classroom and forced me to engage with her. I couldn't have predicted that our brief interaction that evening would set in motion the chain of events leading to our current situation.

From the beginning, I was aware that establishing personal connections with my students beyond the school setting would not be deemed appropriate in a professional context, as it may raise ethical concerns. Given my professional role, I understood the inherent risks. As such, I believed it was imperative to maintain proper boundaries and adhere to professional standards to fulfill my duties responsibly. I was firmly grounded in a strong ethical framework and had full confidence in my ability to conduct myself with maturity and integrity. For some reason, my inability to recognize the causes and mechanisms underlying my unforeseen entanglement in a tumultuous state, particularly when influenced by matters concerning Heaven, impeded my ability to fully understand and effectively address the situation.

Unbeknownst to me, an unforeseen but persistent closeness to her began to manifest itself, seemingly beyond my conscious judgment and recognition. I found myself naturally drawn to her in a way that felt beyond my control. It was as if I experienced a deep connection with her that was almost effortless, where the feeling of being in her presence was something I couldn't resist indulging in and cherishing. Heaven exuded a rejuvenating essence. Her presence was akin to a refreshing breeze that always greeted me at my door, infusing my days with a renewed sense of optimism and providing me with moments to savor and appreciate. I understood that the idea can be unfavorable and perhaps even unsettling, but I was inclined to view this as a standard affair and reasonably just. That, indeed, aligned with my desired belief, notwithstanding the potential perception of ambivalence on my part.