Love Persist

Kabanata 28 - Cloaked in freedom's facade, an unseen captor holds sway.

It was quite ironic how, just a little while ago, the surroundings were booming with firecrackers, and the night sky was beautifully lit up with colorful fireworks. But as soon as the clock struck 1:00 a.m., everything fell eerily silent. Within a mere hour, it felt as though the world had completely reset and entered a whole new dimension. I didn't find it bothersome in the slightest. Everything was bound to come to an end eventually, so it was predictable and unsurprising. Changes and endings were an inherent part of life, as they were inevitable, and, though not always easy to adjust to, we must be adaptable at any moment. These were a natural part of life, and they were something that we may have either experienced naturally or intentionally initiated for specific purposes.

"Hey, it's getting pretty chilly out there."

Twirling the cigarette slightly between my middle and index fingers, I took a puff and flashed a smile at Simeon as he joined me on the patio. "Having trouble falling asleep?" I asked, taking notice of the cup of coffee he had placed on the table.

"I think my body clock is out of sync, and it's messing with my sleep routine," he said, shaking his head. "I hope I'm not interrupting your alone time."

"No worries, I can handle extra company."

"Why are you still hanging out here? Are you going through the same thing I am?"

After taking another drag from my cigarette, I shrugged and said, "I'm not really in the mood to sleep just yet, so I figured I'd stick around here for a while. It's kind of nice to take a break from all the responsibilities and urgent phone calls and just enjoy this moment, you know?"

"Absolutely, it's so great to take a break from work and just relax for a bit," he said, casually crossing his legs and taking a sip of coffee. "Are you alright though? I do not often find you alone like this, and it seems like you have a lot on your mind."

I hummed. "Yeah, I'm just trying to sort out a few things in my head."

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" he offered.

I gave him a reassuring smile. "I appreciate the offer, but I think I just need some time to process everything on my own for now."

Whenever I found myself alone, free from the intrusion of thoughts, there was an indescribable sensation that enveloped me. It was like being wrapped in a blanket of tranquility, experiencing a solitary intimacy with myself where I could simply exist in a state of calm and peacefulness.

When I was young, the idea of being alone seemed daunting. I craved constant companionship and feared that being alone would only lead to loneliness and sadness. But as I grew older, I began to realize the liberation and self-discovery that can come from embracing solitude. It started with small moments of peace, stolen between the chaos of school and social obligations. I found solace in those moments, allowing myself the space to think and reflect without any external distractions.

Being an adult, I decided to prioritize alone time, seeking out opportunities for solitude in my busy schedule. I attained a sense of independence and self-sufficiency that I never thought possible. There has always been a misconception that being an adult automatically grants entitlement as if we deserve more than others despite not necessarily being superior. I found it absurd for people to hold such beliefs. I didn't suddenly wake up one day and find joy in paying bills and working instead of going out to parties. Adulting was not a sudden transformation; it was more like a realization that this was my life and I had to navigate it. I was faced with choices that shaped my future, but the only thing that truly changed was my level of experience.

Contrary to popular belief, being an adult does not automatically translate to being skilled at decision-making and competent in life. Instead, it often meant the opposite: as an adult, you constantly found yourself stuck in the dilemma of making the best or better choice, with any wrong choice being heavily frowned upon. Moreover, adults were often considered the most inept individuals as they consistently strived to evade risks and conform to societal expectations by behaving in a decent yet tedious manner and were typically seen as bothersome killjoys who did nothing but ruin the fun for others.