Little Things

Chapter 9

'Bella, what are you doing here?' Leah asked completely shocked. 'Girls holiday!' I replied with a small smile. 'Yous two know each other?' Katie interjected. 'Not really. Look, I've got to go. Have a great time yeah?' I quickly replied before rushing to find Em. 

I found Em and quickly told her what I had just experienced, we both downed our drinks and made our way back to the hotel.  Once we got back Em and I said goodnight and headed to bed. 

I tossed and turned all night - opening my Instagram messages to Leah but deleting everything I wanted to say.  There was so much I needed to say to her but I just didn't know how. I started over thinking everything. How can I try and teach my children to be open and honest yet here I am struggling to communicate my feelings? I looked at my phone one last time and admitted defeat. Seeing the time was 7.30am I groggily got up, put on a bikini, threw on a cover up and packed a bag. I put a message in the girls group chat to let them know I would meet them at the beach. 

I decided walking to the beach would help me think, about 20 minutes later I arrived. I found a coffee shop just off the main strip and grabbed a coffee and a croissant. I found a spot on the beach and set my things down. The beach was almost empty, apart from a few locals having an early morning stroll. I snapped a quick picture and added it to my Instagram story. 

@bclarke21 added to her story! 

I got my favourite Coleen Hoover book out and began to read it. After around 30 minutes I got a notification on my phone - leahwilliamsonn liked your story! I signed slightly before setting my phone back down and buried my head back in my book. I startled slightly when I heard someone softly say my name from behind me. I turned around and saw Leah standing there sheepishly. 'Hi' I whispered giving her a sweet smile. 'Can I?' she asked pointing beside me. 'sure.' I nodded back. 

Leah and I sat in silence for a few minutes. I could feel that she wanted to talk but she didn't know what to say and quite honestly neither did I. I could feel her looking over at me but I didn't dare look back. 'Bels' she sighed breaking the silence. I closed my eyes as soon as I heard her speak, I could feel the tears burning my eyes. As if she could sense my emotions she slowly moved closer to me putting her hand on top of mine. I relaxed at the contact, I brought my eyes up to meet her. Her face softened when she saw my slightly glassy eyes, squeezing my hand as we made eye contact. 

'I'm sorry.' she whispered, that's all it took before the tears started. Cussing myself internally, I am so angry at myself for being this upset over someone I don't even know . 'Don't be' I replied, my voice breaking slightly. 'I don't know what's come over me Leah - you shouldn't see me like this. We barely know each other and here I am crying over something that doesn't mean anything.' I said chuckling slightly. 'It meant something to me Bels.' Leah's response shocked me, I opened my mouth to reply before she spoke up again 'I think that's why I've been avoiding you. I didn't think I would feel like this'. 'Leah, I.. God! why can't I articulate my feelings!' I breathed out getting frustrated.  Leah gave me a reassuring nod and squeezed me hand again. 'I just didn't think you felt the same way. I didn't even know how I felt myself until I woke up and you weren't there. But, I wasn't upset because you left. I was upset because you just didn't address it and neither did I. I could've reached out but I'm scared Lead. I'm scared of rejection. I'm scared I'm not enough for you. I'm a just a normal girl, with a normal job and you're.. well, you're Leah Williamson.' 'Is that all you see me as? 'Leah Williamson'?' she asked. 'Honestly, i see you as a girl who had a similar childhood to me, someone who just wants to be loved but that gets over shadowed by your career. I see someone who just wants to succeed, make a change for the future generations, ensure that we are all equals' I rambled. 'Do you think our values align?' she asked looking out at the sea. 'I try and encourage children everyday to be brave, to be respectful, to be allies, to be what you epitomise. Se yes Leah I think our values do align'. We both sat silently for a few moments - fully processing everything that we said.

'I didn't handle myself properly Bels, I didn't handle the situation correctly. I'm sorry for that, what you said is wrong though' my breath stuck in my throat as she spoke 'you are more than enough for me Bella. I don't think you realise how long I've waited to meet someone like you. Someone who looks past my profession and see's everything I try and promote in the background.' Leah and I looked at one another. I silently moved closer to her and rested my head on her shoulder before she spoke again 'My mum shouted at me you know?' she laughed. 'I told her about what happened after your netball match. She told me I handled the situation wrong. She said that you were too pure to be treated the way I treated you.' as she was talking she leant her head against mine 'She told me that I needed to reach out and fix it. I came to your house that evening. Your car was there but I don't think you were home. I waited for you to come home. I saw you get out of your mums car, but the moment I saw you I froze, I sat there for another half an hour trying to pluck up the courage to knock on your door.' 'why didn't you?' I asked 'I too was scared of rejection, I thought that my lifestyle may be too much for you' we both chuckled at the irony. 

'Bels' she spoke again. 'hmmm' I replied looking directly at her. We just started into each others eyes for a few seconds before I decided that I should make my feelings clear. I put my hand on her cheek, rubbing it slightly with my thumb. A smile crept on her face, I moved my hand to her neck and pulled her towards me. I smiled back momentarily before making our lips connect. It was passionate, everything we felt was expressed in that kiss. 'butterflies' I whimpered against her lips. 'butterflies' she repeated back to me. We both sat there for a little while longer looking our at the sunrise.