Moss and Mushrooms

We looked like giants // Death cab for Cutie

A short story inspired by "we looked like giants" by Death Cab for cutie.
TW: Addiction, alcoholism, anxiety, self harm

God bless the daylight
I awoke to him in bed next to me, I felt a sense of peace sharing a bed with him. I feel like I'm exactly where I need to be, that out of every place in the world this is exactly where I am supposed to be. I watch as his chest rises and falls. He's perfect, really, he's amazing in the way I don't know how I ever lived without. I could have stayed there for hours with him. I sense he's waking up and I try to hide the fact that I've been staring at him. "Good morning Charlie." He slowly climbs out of bed. I don't think there are words in the English language to express how much I love this man. Everything he does makes my heart happy, the way he holds his coffee, the way he smiles, the way he can't sit still when he's excited, the way he rambles about his favorite words and dictionaries. I've never met someone who carried around a dictionary with them, or someone who had a favorite dictionary, but he is something special in this world, always. I ask him if he'd like to walk to a cafe in town, he smiles at me and says he'd love to. We get dressed and begin our expedition. He is talking about how he wants to look through his old pocket dictionary to see all his old favorite words. On the walk there I felt the urge to hold his hand, how wonderful would it be to be his boyfriend? I got lost in my mind thinking of it all and in that moment I knew today was going to be the day I told him. I never thought I would, I had no plans as to how I would tell him, but today it was time. He tells me about how he's saving up some money to get a full set of dictionaries. He asks if he should stop talking about it, I told him I would never get tired of him. He smiled and we went into the cafe. We both ordered some sugary coffees and sat down in the back of the restaurant. There was a lot to admire. I stared at the clouds, the colorful paintings of this restaurant's back yard, it was beautiful. His hand was resting on the table, I knew it was time. My heart started to race, I could feel every beat. I looked him in the eyes and said "Charlie can I ask you something?" He looked a little nervous and said "Of course Liam you can ask me anything." I put my hand onto his. "Charlie, you're really special to me. I don't really know how to say this. Would you want to be boyfriends?" He shines me the brightest smile and starts flapping his hands excitedly. "Wait really, wait, no really?" "Of course." "Oh my god yes, one thousand times yes!" I feel this sense of elation, Charlie, my boyfriend? This is everything I want, this is everything I could ask for. He does that thing he does when he gets so excited he can't sit still, I love to see it. He is practically vibrating, I watch happily, I am so lucky. A moment later he stops himself, he sits still and puts his hand back on mine. "Sorry, you know I get excited sometimes." "Please never apologize for being excited."

The sugary smell of springtime
Things have been amazing with Charlie. We have been seeing each other often, sometimes we just spent time in each other's bedrooms, sometimes we go on dates. We have been on a few dates like going to movies and arcades but my favorites are when we go out to eat together. We often go for coffee in the morning or eat at restaurants together. I love those dates because then I can hear him tell me about his day and his dictionaries. He was finally able to buy the full set of dictionaries and I am delighted to hear about every page. I have wanted to show him affection for so long and being able to do so has been magical. We cuddle, hold hands, we kiss. I am beyond happy to walk down the street holding his hand or play with his hair while he falls asleep. This is everything I could ever ask for. He's become more himself since we got together. He seems less restrained in our talks. In our past conversations I could tell he wasn't fully being himself but I feel like we are getting closer. He lets himself ramble and get excited in front of me. I think that's my favorite part, being able to see all of him.

God damn the black night
It was my birthday party, I had a few friends over at my house and I was really enjoying myself. I was forcing everyone to play Liam trivia, we played board games, we listened to music and had many laughs. It was an amazing way to turn seventeen. I hugged my friends goodbye and told Charlie I would be back to my room when I got out of the shower. I had forgotten something and when I came into the bedroom Charlie was crying and intensely upset. His back was facing towards the door and I stopped in my tracks truly unsure of what to do. He was hitting himself and rocking himself back and forth. I had never seen him like that before. "Charlie?" He turned around with a scared look on his face. He curled himself up into a ball and hid under the sheets. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." "Charlie you have nothing to be sorry for." "You're not supposed to see me like this, I'm sorry, please don't be mad." "Charlie, I promise I am not angry. What is wrong?" "I'm really sorry." "It's okay Charlie, just talk to me." He started fiddling with his hands and telling me about how gets upset when things are too loud because it was deeply overwhelming. He said he often needed to hide away when this happened. I asked why and he said people had judged him in the past. I told him that I am here for him, through the good and the bad.