Moss and Mushrooms

Last lines

Last lines from my short stories/poetry chapters.
TW: depression

Marching bands of manhattan
I am simply a hole that cannot be filled.
I would do just about anything to make this easier to sit with.
This is exactly what I have been looking for.
I felt like I could not breathe.
I am sorry I was too scared to tell you something was wrong.

We looked like giants
Never apologize for being excited.
I think that's my favorite part, being able to see all of him.
I told him I am here for him, through good and bad.
I feel really good, really really good.
Where did that go?

Blue Tuesdays
He didn't take anything from me that I can't get back.
I am not the nights I was left dead but every moment of the beautiful life afterwards.
I realize that for the first time in my life I am not holding my breath.
I let every part of myself have a place to be.
I can feel the sun on my skin.
He is someone I know who wants me exactly the way I am, I can be anyone I am and know he will be there.

Brand new colony
I cuddle up to her closely and enjoy the rest of the day, just us.
I know you don't want to but you need to.
It's not like I remember it anyways.
Nothing you are is too much.
She meant it, I am never too much for her.

Lavender
Slowly the rain soaks into the dirt and I realize that while I have done awful things, I am not an awful person.
The pain was needed but it's not all there is, maybe I stand in my own way more than I ever knew, maybe there is more to this life than aching.
I will document every moment of it, if there is a day there is a story to tell about it.

Heart shaped box
I adore the little things about him, the way he talks, the way he relates to himself, the way he dyes his hair every two weeks, the way he draws, the way he sends me photos of what he is wearing today.
When you do not know how to breathe he will do it for you.
I pull out the list of reasons why you would hate me from the pit of my stomach, I begin reading them off one by one, each bad thing I am, every bad thing I've done, you look at me and you pull me in closer, you can feel my heartbeat slowly and methodically because today I am not scared to be held.
The sheer joy that lives within this level of obsession is something that words cannot capture, to live a life deeply and intrinsically influenced by the thing I love, to see it become a part of everything.
You find yourself talking about the sky and the beauty of the ever changing colors with someone you met last night.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

In another lifetime
I live in a different world, in another life does not mean the same thing to me as it does to you, eternity is not eternity in definite human beings.
I did not create the rules, I never learned them, I simply knew them from the beginning.
I had an unshakable sense of curiosity and elation, there were hundreds of people to be and I had time to embody every one of them.
I could pretend to be someone worth talking to and being with and maybe you would believe me but it was inevitable that you would be disregarded with bruises in strange places.
Things felt breathable for the first time in my entire life.

Honeymoon
I spent so long in the rain, in the quiet erosion, in suffocating acceptance that this is what it means to be me, one day I would feel the sun warming my skin in a way I had never known.
I wish I could give you my pride, I wish I could pull it from my body and put it into yours, I wish you could feel the pride I do for you.
Maybe you will talk with me inbetween the bouts of filling an empty house with these sounds.
I see myself living in the moment in which I know that I have made it to the end.
I am not the monster I thought I was.
I put it on and tell myself I will not take it off, as now I can have my love letters around my neck.

With a light heart
I thought things were different than I do now.
Dreams about asking you if you're well.
Thank you for leading me here.
Diary entries that are lengthy but not heavy.
I exist as I am, as I should be.