Unsettled/Disillusioned

Chapter 32: the Love

Zeb knocked on Kanan's door with little more than an hour left in their trip back to Koboh. Sabine and Kata were playing holochess in the galley while San Dersen read a holobook. Ezra and Chopper were watching over Grogu and Cal was tinkering away and repairing BD-1 on a workbench. Kanan found Merrin in the kitchen, with the shining sun of Jaro sitting on her lap. She was cooing softly, encouraging him as he drank.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were in here," Kanan said when he realised what Merrin was doing, "I can just leave if you need privacy."

"I do not mind, I am in your kitchen after all," Merrin sighed sweetly, "Jaro could not sleep at all, at least this keeps him quiet. Zeb says we're almost at Koboh," she mentioned as she gently offered Kanan the seat beside her.

"Yeah, little more than an hour now," Kanan said awkwardly as he walked past the offered seat and continued to the cupboard in search of a snack or maybe some tea. "Have you eaten anything?"

"Ezra prepared some waffles for us, and Jaro has his snack, but I think I'd like some tea with ice," Merrin sighed. She was a calm, green flame, as refreshing as the evening breeze on Lothal. When she held him so close to her, it seemed her green flames wrapped around Jaro's warm sun. The toddler looked like the bright centre of the Galaxy. To her, he probably was. "Once we get home... I think I'll have Cal and Greez make us more food."

Kanan nodded as he found a packet of tea and started the kettle for Merrin. It wasn't often that he drank tea, he was more of a caf guy. But if it was good enough for Sabine on her worst days, maybe it was enough for him too.

"How did you meet Hera?" Merrin asked softly.

"What?" Kanan slowly turned his ear to her direction.

"You and Hera," Merrin said, the accent of her voice made her speech sound like music. "You make a great team, and you have such a lovely family here, on the Ghost."

"The Ghost is our crew, of course we're a team," Kanan shrugged as he poured a cup of tea, one for himself and one for Merrin.

"No," a sweet laugh escaped Merrin's lips as he set the cup in front of her, "I know the Ghost is much like the Mantis, the words 'crew' and 'family' are interchangeable."

"You think so?" Kanan set the iced tea in front of Merrin.

"I know so, and I do not need the Force to understand that," Merrin chuckled. She yelped as Jaro bit a little too hard. The toddler stirred tiredly, babbling a quiet apology. Merrin shifted around in the seat as she helped Jaro switch sides. Kanan heard the scrape of Merrin's cup against the table as she lazily spun it around. He drank his, the aromatic drink warmed him from the inside. The chill in his limbs he imagined had settled in during the fight with the Inquisitors melted away.

"I was working part time as a bartender and part time in transport, just drifting, aimless, really," Kanan began, his mind throwing him back to the muddy ball of Gorse and its shining moon of Cynda, "Hera was looking for a rebel contact on this planet where I was working, and she asked me for directions. The moment I heard her voice... I just knew I had to follow her."

Merrin hummed quietly and Kanan could feel her smile.

"I think I met Cal in a similar way. He was looking for some ancient Jedi artefact," Merrin explained, "and he told me why he thought it was so important. He told me about what had happened to him, your culture, the Jedi. I realised we had something in common; after the Nightsister massacre I was left alone on Dathomir. Just like he was alone on Bracca."

Merrin took a moment to drink her tea. Jaro yawned and warbled quietly, she encouraged him onto her breast again, Kanan could sense the twin hearts in each of their chests, all four of them, beat in a calm rhythm. In the coolness of the kitchen, Kanan thought back to that foreboding planet, with its mist and ghosts. He couldn't imagine being trapped there all alone.