Unsettled/Disillusioned

Chapter 12: the Meet-Cute

"So, how did you meet Merrin?" Kallus asked, the blue light of hyperspace washed over the canopy glass of one of Phoenix Squadron's shuttles like wet paint as they made their way towards Ryloth.

"Oh, it's a bit of a weird story," Cal said, a blush spread across his cheeks.

"Well I think it's a wonderful story," Toa said smugly. From his perch on the console, BD-1 made a harsh whistling sound like a laugh, he thought it was indeed quite a funny story.

"Look, it can't be worse than when I met Zeb. I had a blaster pointed at Ezra's head," Kallus could laugh at his time in the ISB now, wanted to. If he looked back at how arrogant he was, it was easier to leave that part of his life behind.

"Really, you and Zeb?"

"Yes, me and Zeb."

"He brought the best out of you, didn't he?"

"He did," Kallus said and gave Cal a genuine smile.

"Merrin did too," Cal said, a goofy smile on his face, "Okay, umm where do I start," Cal ran a hand through his ginger hair, "so BD and I were investigating an ancient tomb on Dathomir—"

"Dathomir? Why would you go to Dathomir?" Ezra gasped.

"Master Cordova said there was something there I needed to find. And..." Cal's face twisted and was redder than his hair as he spoke very quickly, "Merrin was there and she said I was trespassing and then she imbued some Nightbrothers with magick to drive me away but that didn't work so she unleashed some Nightsister zombies and I still really wanted to find Master Cordova's bauble so then she threw me down a hole where a giant bat lived and I fought and killed it—" Cal offered Ezra who looked mortified, an awkward smile. Already, Kallus felt Cal's story was many times stranger than his own. He probably should have known by now that Cal was full of surprises.

"Then we fought a former Jedi Master who'd fallen to the Dark side together and then she joined our crew and we've been great friends since then!"

"Merrin is... a Nightsister?" Kallus asked, confused. Sabine and Ezra said there wasn't anything on Dathomir but fog and ghosts; the angry spirits of vengeful Nightsisters.

"Yeah," Cal said excitedly, his face always seemed softer when he thought of her, "she can make fire dance and bones sing. She even gave me this," he gestured to the charm he always wore on his holster, the one that calmed him during a nightmare, "it's a protection charm."

"You fought a Jedi Master?" Ezra seemed shocked.

"I tried to reason with him but he was too far gone at that point, corrupted by the Dark side. Merrin saved my life that day," Cal explained carefully, then gave a little laugh, "And many more times after that, really!"

"But isn't... isn't that Nightsister magick stuff also from the Dark Side of the Force?" Ezra asked nervously and Kallus wondered fearfully for a moment what would await them on Ryloth's moon.

"Yes and no, I think. Her Force abilities work differently than ours, Ezra," Cal explained, "'every Jedi must face the Dark Side,' and we have to make the choice to feed it or let it go. Merrin knows that too, she understands how negative emotions can fuel that side of the Force, but does not let them consume her."

"Merrin also has the Force?" Kallus asked. Cal nodded.

"How we connect to the Force is very different and we both learned from each other. That side of the Force, how the Nightsisters perceive it; it's like the night, part art of our lives just as much as the day. And it is dark, even scary sometimes, but only in the darkness can you see the light of stars. Do you understand?"

Ezra shook his head with uncertainty, "when I went to Dathomir, I found a holocron there. It whispered things to me. I didn't like the person I became when I listened to it."

"You have nothing to worry about Ezra, Merrin isn't like that," Toa added, "she's our Marshall, she takes care of our town just as much as she takes care of Cal." BD beeped happily from his perch on the console in agreement with Toa.

"She's right, Ezra," Cal continued, his eyes were brightest when he spoke of her, "Merrin is the most beautiful, strong, patient and kind person I'd met. I'm very lucky to have her in my life, and I'm proud to call her my wife. I mean, if it weren't for her and her understanding of the Dark side, I wouldn't be here."

Kallus tilted his head curiously at that last statement, "what do you mean?"

A slight frown tugged at Cal's lips, his smile began to melt away, "Jedi are always tested, 'Every Jedi must face the Dark Side', and these are Dark Times, it can be very easy to fail. There was a time I was drowning in my own pain, unable to process my grief properly. I was too angry, I didn't even realise it until it was too late," he admitted softly, "I wasn't me anymore."

"You struggled with the Dark Side, too?" Ezra asked.

Cal nodded firmly. "I did. I'm guessing Kanan helped you when you found that holocron?"

Ezra nodded, his lips pulled tight.

"Merrin was that for me, she pulled me back to myself before I did something I would truly regret."

Kallus tried to process what Cal was saying, but like Ezra, he still felt a knot of fear in his chest as he remembered how Cal had thrown his fists against the Bad Batch. For some reason, Kallus had the feeling he had seen that side of Cal before...