Sweeney Todd x reader - Our Secret

Anger/confusion

Y/n POV

I lay in my bed on my side, resting my head on the soft pillow that smells almost like wood. How, I have no idea. But the smell is comforting and it reminds me of a certain someone, and how they smell; how they've come to comfort a part of me. A part of me that still seeks that kind of comfort, the part that craves it and now survives on it.

But there's also that other part of me that doesn't want it or need it. Because that part of me is dark and twisted, in a way that shields itself from feeling anything that could provide any sense of comfort. So that I can stay who I've become over the years. The person I've morphed into. The person who doesn't need comfort. The person who hates it.

But with these two parts of me, I'm conflicted with myself because one half of me wants this, whereas the other part doesn't and it's starting to hurt, building the need to shield myself from feeling this way.

I sigh, turning over to face the other way and feel the change in warmth in the pillow, making this side go cold.
I close my eyes once more, trying to get some sleep throughout this night as my mind is just running around in circles with my feelings and thoughts, waging a war inside of me and I seem to be losing.

The sound of the heavy rain outside my window has started to get louder than before, especially with how parts of my window is still broken and some wood only covers parts of it, causing cold wind to blow through the gaps and hit me like icicles.
I shiver and bring the blanket over my shoulders and close to my face, trying to use my breath as warmth as I breath down the small gap I left open.

"Perfect..." I mutter to myself, coming to the realisation that I might end up staying up all night with racing thoughts and cold weather.
I lifts my knees up higher, bunching myself up into a ball and the wind starts to get stronger and colder by the second. The rain becomes heavier and I swear, it's almost like it's starting to thunder. Great.

I open my eyes to face my closed door, and the memory of earlier today comes into mind, causing me blush at the thought of Sweeney at my door, whiskey in hand, and with a hard on. Something I definitely didn't expect tonight.  But everyday seems to get stranger and stranger.

The image of his eyes staring at me are enough for me to shiver even more, as the way he was looking at me was primal, deadly. Like he was drugged even. But my best guess was the whiskey. Probably why he kissed me, because he was drunk.
Even when I kissed him back, he didn't stop; any man would if they weren't drunk right?

Yeah, I blame the whiskey.

Sighing loudly, i lift up and wrap the blanket around my body, cocooning me so that only my face, feet and hand holding a candle are showing, making me look like a ghost almost.
I slip my feet into some soft slippers I left on the side, but the bare warmth only heats my toes, leaving the rest shivering.

I need to get out of this room.

I decide to head down to the living room, where the fire place is and couch. I just hope Toby isn't there sleeping still. Poor lad has been running errands for Nellie nearly every day, so if he was sleeping on the couch, I wouldn't really blame him.

I carefully creep down the hall and the change in temperature is dramatic. I instantly don't feel as cold as I did in my own room and I smile at the thought of that.
Walking into the living room, I'm glad to find it empty, but sad to see that the fire is out. No matter, I'll light it back up again.

I waddle over towards the side to grab a few matches, setting my candle on the side of the fireplace, and squat down to throw the lit match into the pit.
The flame is small, but I start blowing at it, allowing some smoke to flow upwards and then the fire begins to grow.