THE NEXT DAY: EARLY FEBRUARY 2014
• M A L I K •
Dread.
That was the only thing I felt when I woke up.
It was the only thing I felt as I drove in complete silence fifteen minutes to Trevon's house.
It was the only thing I felt when I rang the doorbell. My heart felt like it would explode when he opened the door.
"Hey," he still smiled at me. Not the big one I'm used to though.
"Hi," I said low as he moved out of the way to let me in. My heart sped up even more thinking about the last time I was here.
The shit we did...
The shit we almost did.
I could feel my body heat up. The way he has this much of an effect on me is crazy.
"You hungry? You thirsty?" he asked me, but I just shook my head no. I walked over to his couch sitting down watching as he poured himself some juice. He then walked back over sitting down, but with some space in between us.
I looked at him noticing his outfit. Very casual. He had his glasses on, sweats, and a white T-shirt. You can tell he hasn't gotten a haircut from the way his hair and his beard have grown out a bit. I know he's probably been working like crazy. He always is.
...He looked fine as fuck... Like in a scruffy but still clean way. I really was staring at his face almost in a trance. Damn, this nigga made me do a whole 180. Staring at a nigga's faces thinking they fine is something I'd never thought I'd do.
I watched as he took a sip, sighed, and parted his lips like he was about to speak, but he didn't. And we just sat there for a few minutes in awkward silence.
Neither of us wanted to talk.
"So, uh, about what you was askin' me last night," he started breaking the silence. I looked at him, and he looked like he was in deep thought. "I'm not mad at you. I promise I'm not. Didn't I promise you et?" He looked at me, and I just wanted to cry already.
I'm such a bitch, especially when it comes to him.
"Yeah," I said low.
"So, I'm not mad...it's just—that's a whole lot, Malik," he chuckled. "I'm not mad at you for it. I can't be mad you had sex wit the girl who you in love wit especially considerin' we weren't even...you know," I nodded.
"Yeah...I know,"
"But, I know you still have feelins for her. I know you do," he looked away from me, and that shit hurt because he was right. "I know how much you wanted ta be wit her. Shit, you told me...and I don't fit inta that, Malik," he looked at me.
"Tre—"
"Let me finish," he cut me off. "I'm not sayin' you a fucked up person, or grimy, or whatever. I'm just sayin' that I know all es shit is confusin', you know figuring yourself out—"
"But I already know I like niggas!" I interrupted him. "Before we even made up. I figured that out," I tried to reason.
He blinked. "Huh?"
