I've Got the Strangest Feeling This Isn't Our First Time Around

3

When Luigi finally wakes up, he's decidedly not in his professor's office anymore.

He looks around, and he sees himself surrounded by sewers, along with odd green colored pipes.

"What is this place?" Luigi demands. "Let me out of here!"

"And go where?" the new voice startles him, before he's met with a man with a lot of facial hair. "Anyone who might've taken you in is dead or kicked you out."

"I could go to the cops."

"Mm, yes." He says, eyes droopy. "The same cops you snarked at when they accused you of murder? Tell me about your mother. Why did she overdose?"

"She didn't, and the was my foster mother." Luigi corrects.

"Mm, yes, she was." The man says.

"Her name was Molly Turner; I was put with her due to some immigration issue when I was a baby."

"What do you know about your..." here, the man snoozes for a second, before snapping himself awake. "Real parents?"

"Not a thing."

"Mm, no." the man says tiredly.

"I know they haven't tracked me down all this time. Is that enough for you?" Luigi snaps.

"Why were you put with Molly?"

"Put with her?" Luigi guffaws. "Do you not know how the foster system works? When my parents got separated from me, the cops didn't bother doing a background check on the first name that came up. I have no other family that I know of, and no one wanted to adopt me. I wasn't put anywhere. I was dumped."

"Not even by Molly?"

"Heck no. On that, we were in complete agreement."

"Hm. Why?"

"Because we both were well aware what a complete shit show our life together was, and we weren't gonna fake it for anyone, not even the legal system. So again, what is this place?"

"Is that why you didn't care when you saw her dead body?"

That gets Luigi's attention. "And how exactly do you know that?"

"In my world, I'm the leading authority, which means I communicate with the other leading authorities, including police officers." The man waves off. "Why didn't you care when you saw Molly?"

Luigi's not about to play nice. "You could never come close to understanding."

"Mm, no?" the man falls asleep again, then snaps awake once more. "Tell me anyway. Let's find out."

Luigi looks around, then asks, "How long have I been down here?"

"My question first."

"I am, through mine." Luigi explains. "How long have I been down here?"

"You tell me."

Luigi looks around, then says, "6 hours."

"Are you asking me or telling?"

"I have a medical condition." Luigi says. "Oneiric Disorientasia. I never know for sure if I'm dreaming or awake."

"Mm, yes." The man says. "Not many know about it."

"They should, because it sucks." Luigi says. "So that means I have to rely on reality checks, sensory perception, critical thinking and trial and error to determine if it's real, but even so, I still can't fully trust it. Now tell me what this place."

"The Brooklyn sewers."

"Fine." Luigi leans forward. "You want me to tell you? Let's go off of your one clue. You said I'm in Brooklyn. Let's look at the logic. You grabbed me when I was hacking into my professor's computer at Cornell. That's about a 5-hour drive to or from. I know for a fact I was actually in that office because I messed up the desk to prove it was real. Forgot to eat something beforehand, so I didn't use the bathroom either. The distance from my tiny apartment to Cornell is about a half hour. Plus the 15 minutes with my roommate, not that he or our conversation is worth talking about. Let's not forget the 20 minutes they took me to Ithaca's police station, or me staring at my dead foster mom and talking to that blowhard cop for another hour, during which I caught the time when her partner turned on another news, giving us a total of 6 hours and 5 minutes, give or take. But that's just a guess. 6 hours and 5 minutes could've been just 6 minutes and 5 seconds, or maybe just 65 seconds in the time it took to explain that."

"Mm, yes." The white bearded man agrees. "Remarkable."

"I didn't care about seeing Molly's dead body because I have dreams about people dying on a regular basis." Luigi says flatly. "Fun fact: the real thing isn't that much different. Seeing her dead was just another thing I couldn't be sure was actually happening. That's what Oneiric Disorientasia is like. Can I go home now?"

"Mm, no." The older man says. "We've been watching you for a while now."

"Have you?" Luigi's not even phased by this. "Then why can't you go back to doing that so I can pretend this is another dream?"

"My name is Dr. Snoozemore." The man in white says. "And I'm putting together a team that needs someone like you, specifically."

"What team needs someone with Oneiric Disorientasia?" Luigi asks, crossing his arms.

"Mine." Snoozemore replies. "I represent the authorities that are investigating something that could have devastating consequences."

"The NYPD?"

"Mm, no." Snoozemore says, closing his eyes then snapping them open again.

"Then let me just 'mm, no' right back at you." Luigi snarks. "No thank you."

"Our work is invaluable."

"And mine is even more valuable." Luigi fires back, then walks away. "Don't bother telling me where the exit is."

"Stop." Snoozemore says behind him. "The way I see it, you have an ultimatum."

Luigi, damn him, stops, and turn.

"You can join the team."

"Your unnamed team that isn't the NYPD?"

"Or you can go. Back to the apartment your roommate just evicted you from, so you'd be out on the streets for the night. You're also about to be expelled, so all your dreams about winning any engineering awards are kaput, and the only person who allowed you to even make it this far is now dead. You're broke and homeless."

"I know a desperate bimbo that wouldn't think twice about taking in the smartest student in the program if she thought it would boost her grades." Luigi says offhandedly.

"That was never an option, and we both know it." Snoozemore replies.

"But someone with Oneiric Disorientasia working at your unnamed team that isn't the NYPD is?"

Snoozemore smiles. "You tell me."