I've Got the Strangest Feeling This Isn't Our First Time Around

27

 "The sample's dreams are spilling over into Bowser's! Bowser's waking up!"

"Vitals?"

"He's seizing! Body and cerebral temp are off the charts!"

"Get out of there and wake him up!"

"Bowser, please." Mario begs. "Fight it!"

Bowser says nothing, as more of the sample's dreams make his Dreamy persona flicker.

"Bowser!"

"Full corruption in 15 seconds and counting!"

"Bowser, PLEASE ! "

"Get out of there, NOW!"

"No!"

"Just do it!"

"If I leave now, there's no telling what the sample's mind will do to him!"

"If you don't, you are going to die!"

"Jump through the portal before it closes and WAKE HIM UP!"

"Fuck." Mario mutters under his breath then says, "I'm getting you out of here, okay?", before he makes a mad dash and jumps into the portal right as it closes behind him.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

Mario startles awake, lifting his head from his pillow as he sees his phone lying on his nightstand.

He picks it up, checks it, and upon making it go silent, he lays back in bed with a sigh.

Luigi's drinking his morning coffee when his phone goes off.

Upon seeing Mario's name, he picks it up, "What now?"

"Who pissed in your coffee this morning?"

Luigi winces, "What's it to you?"

"You know, it never hurts to laugh now and again. Who knows? It might save your life one day."

"Is that why you're telling me this over the phone and not in person? You're sick from not laughing enough?" Luigi asks as he walks through the Dream Lab.

" Okay, noted. Don't talk to Luigi Turner until he's had his coffee. "

"Uh no, it's 'don't talk to me until I know I'm awake.'" Luigi corrects. "I never know if I'm–"

" Asleep or awake." Mario finishes. " Like I could ever forget. "

"And just an FYI: if you're gonna put me through a pointless physical, the least you can do is actually show up for it."

" Overslept. Didn't get much sleep either. Did the medics find anything? Vitals? Blood pressure? Anything from dreamwalking? Headache? Chills? "

"Well, now that you mention it, yeah there was something." Luigi leans over like he's about to whisper a secret into the phone. "Apparently I've been diagnosed with this incessant yapping in my ear that just won't shut up."

"Laugh it up, whiskers."

"I'm only laughing because this is ridiculous." Luigi rolls his eyes. "Once again, I'm perfectly healthy."

" Shit. "

"Scuse me? Isn't healthy a good thing?"

" No–well, yes, but I'm talking about something else. The Toad that moved into my old house keeps stealing my mail. "

That throws Luigi for a second, "You lost me."

"When I joined the Dream Team, I moved out of my old house, and the Toad that moved into it won't tell people I'm not living there anymore, so he keeps getting my mail."

"Oh boo hoo." Luigi teases. "Whatever will you do without your naughty magazines?"

"Hey, no! Mario protests. "I like staying up to date on what's happening in the Mushroom Kingdom, but this Toad keeps stealing it."

"So quit whining and go get them yourself." Luigi says logically.

"No, you don't get it. You haven't spent much time around Toads, but even among Toads, he's a little..."

"Crazy?"

" Weird. "

"Oh so he's your best friend."

"Shut up. Fine, I'm going right now. But if I don't call back...come get me. "

They hang up, and after Mario looks through his mail one more time, he sighs, then leaves his house.

A pipe and a short walk later, he's there.

"Hey, Toad?" Mario knocks on the door. "It's Mario. The guy you bought the house from?"

The door opens by itself, and Mario can't help stepping inside. "Hello?"

He walks through the house slowly, noting disdainfully, "Another note to self: never sell your house to Toads."

Then upon spotting some mail on the kitchen counter, Mario huffs, "That's what I thought." and snatches it up.

"Toad, I know you mean well, but please just send me a letter like a normal person instead of stealing my mail." Mario calls out as he sorts through it, then keeps walking to try and find him.

"Or better yet, just come over—"

And is stopped dead in his tracks when he sees the petrified Toad.

"Yourself." Mario finishes, all exasperation gone.