I've Got the Strangest Feeling This Isn't Our First Time Around

62

"Okay, Luigi, are you ready to admit this is a really, really bad idea?" Spike says when they walk right up to the front door. "How do you know they're not inside?"

"The motion sensors haven't gone off." Luigi holds up his phone.

"Okay, let's say you do find evidence pinpointing who did it." Spike argues. "We'd be rendering anything we find unusable."

"Not if we leave it there," Luigi says, to Spike's confusion. "Tell Snoozemore exactly where it is, he gets a warrant, finds it himself...look, it's gonna have something from both Toadia and whoever petrified her on it. That's what matters."

"And the alarm?" Spike asks.

"You mean the one I caught when I was here with Snooze?" Luigi rolls his eyes. "Child's play."

"You can't just go hacking wherever you want to--"

"Hey! Thanks for waiting!" the new voice startles Spike, watching as Toadia walks up to them.

"Thought we'd skip the theatrics and just bring someone who already knows the alarm codes." Luigi says in a humorous deadpan, watching as Toadia walks up and does just that.

Once the system is down, Luigi nods, "Thanks, Toadia.", then walks in first, the others following.

"Where are we going?" Luigi asks Toadia.

She points. "Bedroom.", so the three of them waste no time.

"No, come on! One more!" Mario protests as once again, Pauline smokes him.

"I can do this all night, pal. You know you can't beat my pipes." She grins.

Luigi's in the closet with Toadia as she grabs an envelope and opens it.

Inside are bottles of gold glitter and pigment, which makes Luigi have another flash.

The gold shine from whoever was in the bedroom.

"Nothing in other parts of the house." Spike says from the bedroom.

"Keep checking. I'm gonna stay in the closet with Toadia." Luigi says.

"Uh oh, should Destiny be jealous?" Spike jokes, and of course that's right when Goldbob walks in and catches him.

"What is the meaning of this?" the gold Bob-Omb demands.

"Wait, I can explain." Spike protests weakly. "No, I can't."

"How did you get in here?" Goldbob snaps.

"I was one of your kids' babysitters, and you weren't smart enough to change your alarm codes after I left." Spike lies.

"I'm calling the authorities." Goldbob informs him.

"Great, then you can turn yourself in for petrifying me!" Toadia accuses as she walks out of the closet with Luigi, who's holding the envelope.

"You're mistaken. That was my wife." Goldbob tells her, but when he sees Luigi, points out, "You're the rookie nobody likes."

"Reminds me to kill Mario for that later." Luigi says to Spike offhandedly, then back to Goldbob. "Your wife is a victim in all this. You petrified Toadia and framed Sylvia. You used your wife's phone to text Toadia."

"With what proof?" Goldbob asks, smug.

"Something tells me we're about to find out." Luigi says, holding the envelope under his arm.

"Sylvia wasn't the one doing shady business. That was you." Luigi goes on as he comes closer. "It was you Toadia caught in here. Who she captured had a gold shine." He opens the envelope and pulls out the bottles. "Stuff you'd need to really make your gold color shine for an important business deal, no? And naturally, your wife's not stupid, so she had a prenup when she married you, and if she knew about this deal, part of whatever you stand to gain from it goes directly to her if she decided to go that route. Sure, you wanted power, but Toadia here wanted it more, so when she tried to shake you for more money, you petrified her and framed your wife, making her prenup null and void."

"Fine." Goldbob sighs. "How much?"

"Excuse me?" Spike demands.

"What do I need to pay you to make this all go away?" Goldbob urges.

"Just this." Luigi holds up the envelope.

"Old papers?" Goldbob asks in disbelief. "Take them. What do I care?"

"No no no." Luigi shakes his head, dumping the papers and throwing them in the air. "I have no use for your shady business papers, your ironclad prenup, and all your stupid invoices."

Then he kneels down and pulls something out from the pile of papers. "Nope, this is all I need.", holding up Toadia's phone.

"What a coincidence." Goldbob says, pulling off his top hat, revealing his fuse. "So do I.", then proceeds to light it.

Luigi doesn't think, just throws himself at Goldbob and grabs the fuse, pinching it so it goes out.

"You okay there?" Mario asks as he keeps playing the drums, while Pauline sips her tea to soothe her throat. "Anything else you need?"

"How about a boyfriend?" Pauline says glumly.

"Spike?" Mario suggests, not looking at her as he keeps playing.

"A real boyfriend." Pauline snaps. "Not someone who's gonna drop me the second they see Destiny's tits."

"Why bother dating at all?" Mario asks.

"You're right." Pauline sighs. "So why not just say, 'screw it'? No personal relationships, romantic or otherwise."

"Done." Mario pauses the game.

"No dating, no intimacy, no nothing." Pauline goes on.

"Easy enough." They shake on it, then Mario starts the game up again.

"Mm, yes, pro tip?" Snoozemore tells Luigi and Spike as they enter the Dream Lab. "Next time you decide to break into someone's house, please have some sense to call me."

"Noted." Spike replies.

"But I suppose you did catch the culprit." Snoozemore says.

As Luigi leaves to grab their things, Spike begs, "Now can I please have a raise?"

"After tonight? Very well." Snoozemore agrees. "What do you have in mind?"

"Oh!" Spike startles, then pulls out a pen and paper. "Just a moment."

He scribbles a number, then shows it to Snoozemore.

"Is that all?" Snoozemore laughs. "You could've had it from the beginning! You've got it."

"What? But I—"

"That'll do." Snoozemore says cheerfully as he walks away.