I've Got the Strangest Feeling This Isn't Our First Time Around

49

"That was not talking!" Snoozemore barks at Luigi, back in the Dream Lab. "That was someone sending the equivalent of a bolt of lightning right through your skull!"

"And because she did," Luigi says calmly. "We know Nastasia is a quack."

"You very nearly had your brains scrambled!" Snoozemore snaps.

"Nastasia is getting grants from all over this side of the pipe, with it all hanging by a thread with this project. If her chair doesn't start showing results, she loses everything."

"And if she had taken her eyes off the chair for one second or hit the wrong button while you were still strapped to it, you could've died!"

"Here we go again." Luigi rolls his eyes. "Because I'm Luigi Turner, your prize pig, right?"

Snoozemore takes a breath, then says, "You don't have to like me, but I am still capable of feelings. It's my job to make sure you walk out of this lab every day relatively unharmed, and yes, that means knocking some sense into you when you do something as dangerous, reckless, and idiotic as this!"

"You wanna try that again, Snoozefest?" Luigi stands up, irate. "Cause I've just decided I don't feel like playing along anymore. What are we really doing here in the Dream Lab?"

Snoozemore sighs, "You can't trust anything Bowser says."

"Fine, Danny then." Luigi says. "Another person who got wrapped up in something bigger than himself and was attacked to shut him up."

He doesn't bother waiting for a response, just walks to the door.

"Don't bother next time." Is all he says, before finally leaving.

After a beat, Snoozemore sighs, and picks up his phone, punching in a number.

"I need a favor."

"I take it Snoozemore wasn't happy?" Mario asks Luigi when he comes over.

Luigi takes a seat next to him. "Didn't listen to anything I said. Same as when Nastasia didn't listen to anything Danny said. Sorry, but if bringing these people to justice is part of the job, there's always a risk."

"Speaking of which." Mario turns his laptop screen towards Luigi. "Looks like Nat was up to her eyeballs in them."

"Huh?" Luigi leans closer.

"It's a recent study for her chair." Mario explains. "It's all legit. Data, numbers, the results. It all checks out to the letter."

"Isn't that good?"

"Nothing checks out to the letter." Mario emphasizes. "There's always some unforeseen variable, some unintended consequence that ends up a witty anecdote. You'd think someone was writing all this out while held at gunpoint, begging for more money. Weeg, I think you were onto something with Nastasia lying about the chair."
"Then I'm gonna prove it. Tonight." Luigi informs him.

"With what?" Mario asks. "Danny's computer is still in his office at the research lab."

"Which is why we're gonna walk right through the front door." Luigi holds up Danny's ID.

"You took that out of the Dream Lab?" Mario is exasperated.

"Is it taking if we put it back before they know it's missing?" Luigi asks rhetorically.

"This isn't funny anymore." Mario argues. "You could really get hurt."

"So you all wait for me in the van outside again." Luigi says, like it's obvious.

The knock saves Mario from answering, so Mario gets up to answer.

It's Toadette, so Mario instinctively braces himself, "Please don't kick me again."

"No no, I'm here to say I'm sorry." Toadette explains. "What happened to Toad was horrible. How about all three of us start over as friends?"

Mario's intrigued by the idea, "That sounds...really nice, actually."

"Yeah?" Toadette smiles. "Can I come in then?"

"Mario?" Luigi calls, walking up behind him. "We doing our thing or what?"

Toadette's thrown by this, even as Mario sidesteps to block Luigi from her view.

"Sorry, am I interrupting something? Who's he?"

"What, you mean him?" Mario jerks a thumb over his shoulder behind him. "Just some guy I work with."

Luigi has to clap a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing.