Emillia Green || Avengers' soulmate

Chapter .11.

I'm fucked. I'm fucked. I'm fucked. I'm fucked. I'm fucked.

I chanted in my head like a prayer, repeatedly twirling a strand of my hair to the point I almost pulled it out. I stared with stars in my eyes and a damned frown on my lips as the object of my affection blatantly ignored me like the plague.

Peter sat at his desk, not sleeping against it for once. He had his nose in his coursework, aggressively scribbling down notes. Surely he didn't need to study that hard. It's English. And he's a little genius. I banged my hand against the various papers spread out on my wooden desk remembering the incident from the previous day.

He ripped off his mask, and it was as I suspected.

Peter Parker is Spiderman.

And I'm fucked.

He gawked at me tightening his hold on his mask, frozen in place. I slowly got up with Pietro's help, my gaze stuck on Peter the entire time. He dejectedly at his wrist, where my soul mark was, probably in confusion at the warmth that spread in both of us, instead of the scorching burn that follows the first time you meet your soulmate.

I tried to take a small step forward, he alarmingly stepped back.

" Miss, miss Green...", he stares at me like I just broke his entire world, " You are my new teacher. And I'm guessing the reason for the holes in my memory.", and he said it so calmly it made that all too familiar dark pit resurface inside of me, I truly loathed myself.

" Peter I know, I know, but I swear it's not like that." I tried to explain myself, I tried to hold the arm that had gripped his mask, but he snatched it away, stepping back even more.

" Explain? Explain what? Do you have any idea how painfully I waited for you each second of every day. Or, or how much it pained to see my soulmates craving for more, knowing they have been waiting a hell of lot longer than I have, to be together and feel so, so incomplete." He looked almost lost as he continued, " And I finally, fucking finally found you."

At this stepped forward and gently caressed my cheek. I leaned more into his palm, but this time the surge wasn't warm at all. No, it was cold.

" I don't even remember any of it." He lightly whispered as a tear drop down the corner of his eye and hit the ground. The sound of the tear drop echoed in my ears as he walked away. And with him left Natasha, and my will to live. The tiny bit that was left of it.

The worst part was, if I was him, I'd hate me too. I knew exactly what he felt right now, like I had taken away his choice. Like I didn't trust him enough to handle the obstacles thrown at us. He felt like he was again written off as the child. He felt exactly how I had felt when my father had taken away my choice along with all the bad memories of my cruel childhood, and used the same old trick again, and again, and again every time I saw them lose control acting as the blood thirsty monsters they were. It didn't even stop when I myself had become one of the blood thirsty monsters. Maybe if they had let me see the ugly, I would have loved them for who they really were. And maybe, just maybe I would have loved myself for who I was.

But they took that choice from me.

And I took it from Peter.

Damn that tear drop was loud as fuck.

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I felt insanely conflicted, I wanted to hug her and never let her go again. But I just felt so hurt. Did she not me? Was I not good enough, is that why she made me forget? I knew she was going through some stuff, my instincts were sure she was. But does she not trust me enough to help her through it, to be by her side?

I found my thoughts drifting to my other soulmates. Like the first time I met Loki, I hugged him. Like an actual bear hug, I couldn't help myself. He had gone through so much. Some still harboured hatred for him, but I knew he was hurting.

He was utterly perplexed as he looked towards his brother for help. I slowly let go, as he contemplated what had just happened and he slowly asked, " What... was... that...?"

" A hug?" I replied with uncertainty wondered whether I had done something wrong.

" Do it again." he said, and with the biggest smile in the world I squeezed the life out of him.

And soon everyone else had joined in too, making it a big group hug. We used to those a lot, group hugs, before they turned into orgies.

Our group was full of broken people who had in one way or another given up on themselves. It took time to learn to love each other in our own ways, I can't just expect her to know all the answers. She too is allowed to make mistakes.

My attention was once again grabbed by the very object of my ignorance as she mumbled something in her sleep. Like what kind of teacher just falls asleep in the middle of the class. She looked so adorable in her sleep, curled up on her desk like that. Soon the bell had rung and everyone had left. While I stayed.

She has vampire hearing, but even the awful bell can't disturb her sleep. The smile that I had been fighting away for so long slightly found its place on my lips before I kissed her forehead gently. Before walking away to my next class.

Of course, I had forgiven her. I don't think I'm capable of staying mad at her.

But she can't know that yet.