Roommate (ASHAANGI)

thirty six

"You should get going now, I'll be in the shower for a while." Saesha says nervously,chuckling as she tries to get him to leave.

"I'll be right here, Cara. I ain't going anywhere. Let me help you get to the shower room." Akshay replies, holding her hand tightly and interweaving their fingers.

"Akshay, you don't need-"

"I want to" he interrupts, not giving her a chance to refuse his help.

"Fine, just a warning. I might take a while and I know you've got more important things to do." Saesha stammers and stumbles over her words, making Akshay more and more nervous and suspicious by the minute.

"Go ahead and take the shower. I'll be right here" he interjects, guiding her to the bathroom and helping her hang her clothes on the rack. As he does this, he notices the nervous look on her face.

"What's wrong?"He frowns, trying to read her face and understand what's going through her mind. But before he can get a solid answer, she gently pulls her hand away and shakes her head.

"Nothing. I... it's just, I'm...I want to thank you for taking care of me... even though you didn't have to" She's trying to put up a front, but he can tell something is bothering her.

"Saesha, what's wrong?"

"Must be the sedative, I... it just makes me a bit loopy and... err... I sometimes say things that I probably shouldn't. I'll be back" she says, quickly closing the door behind her and locking it.

Akshay stares at the closed bathroom door, feeling a bit puzzled by her behavior. He doesn't want to disrupt her privacy, so he sits back down on the chair and continues studying her list of meds. As he does so, her sobs coming through the door breaks his heart, but he knows better than to knock and let her know that he is hearing her cries. He wants to provide her some privacy and let her express her emotions in her own way and time.

As Saesha turns on the shower, she instinctively pulls back her arm at the contact of water hitting her skin. She releases a small sob which she quickly silences, covering her mouth and trying to muffle the sound. She doesn't want Akshay to hear her crying or to worry about her. She is ashamed of her fears, feeling they are entirely irrational and unjustified. She's afraid that Akshay will think she's weak or childish if he sees her breakdown over the mere water touching her skin.

She's ashamed of her fear and can't help but let out small silent sobs which break from her mouth. Still, she tries to let the water touch her skin, hoping that she can overcome the initial fear and not lose her courage in the face of a seemingly harmless obstacle.

'It's not going to kill you'

'Don't let the water touch you'

'You're fucking weak'

'You're going to die'

The argument in her head between her logical fear and mental resilience continues, as one side taunts and the other fights against her inner demons. She could feel her head spinning, the voices in her head making the situation seem even more surreal. Covering her mouth to muffle her cries, she slowly lets the water touch her body.

She finds herself without the energy to resist her fears, only able to stand under the water, motionless as the tears run down her face. She tries to console and reassure herself, but she can't seem to fight off the anxiety and fear that keeps overtaking her. The only thing she's able to do is let the water wash over her and her fears take over.

"Bella, are you all right?" His voice is soft and caring, his concern about her state evident. She's been in the bathroom for almost more than an hour now, which is much longer than normal, and he can't help but worry about her.