Burnt Out || Dallas Winston x Reader

X

"You hope things get better

You hope that love can

Turn a monster into a man"

I'm right where I need to be. I think to myself. "Thank you sir." I smile before turning and walking the aisles and grab bread, jelly and peanut butter, They really only have crunchy? I'll make it work. I pay at the front before exiting the small station. I think as hard as I can to remember the directions I'd been told long ago. And I walk for a few hours, over hills, fields, a stream and even pass some oil station. Then i cross a hill and see the church on top of it with a small unstable fence around it. I easily slip through it an enter the decrepit building.

'Home sweet home' I think to myself with a small smirk. My feet ache from walking and my head hurts from not drinking anything. stupid, stupid idiot. I groan and walk back outside, smiling in relief when i see a water source, a well pump. i pump a nice stream out and into my hands, drinking as much of the cold water as i can. I gasp in refreshment and wipe my face on my jacket sleeve.

I can only really sit up here and think. theres no one to talk to and nothing to do. no books, no tv, nothing. All there Is are racoons, owls and rats. As i take note of my new room mates, i tuck my food into a safe spot.

 I wonder how every ones doing. I think to myself, but really do I care? Yes. My inner monologue deadpans. Do they really care? Maybe. I could tell you who does, Soda. Soda defiantly a wreck right about now. The images of him crying flash through my mind. I grimace. And Pony, Pony is probably blaming himself. he thinks he's the root of all of our problems, but in reality he's just a kid. And Steve, he's girls friend is missing, he's gotta be stuck in a hard spot. And Johnny, poor Johnny, he's already going through so much and now i pull this. I am a piece of utter garbage. Keith, he's probably lonely, drinking himself into the ground about it. Darry? Maybe, or he's just relieved to be down a mouth to feed. Dont think like that. Tobias? Hes gone.

Dallas? He doesn't give two fucks.

I choke out a sob. hot wells of tears streaming down my face as I lie on my makeshift bed, wood and dust. tears flow down my cheeks and into my ears. Loud ugly wails leave my mouth, I scream, getting every feeling out of me. So if i do see my friends again I wont cause them issues. Its hard to keep all of this in, but id rather destroy myself then cause them anymore burden.

I still dont think I'll ever understand what i've done wrong to Dal. I've done nothing but give him my everything. He has no idea how worthless he's made me feel.  I hate who I was before running. I miss who I used to be. 

I relive the passed months in my head, since the day Dallas threw me out. I stopped going by Sunshine. I gave up my own name, not responding to my own name. Ive not talked to my brothers about anything that would take more than 5 sentences. I've not partied with Keith and Johnny in my living room. I've not made myself a meal in weeks, bearly eating left overs.

I think back 

*flashback*

I walk out of my room, wearing one of sodas shirt and my undergarments. I rub my eyes viciously. I sit on the couch, theres no school so just chilling in the ac is all I wanna do.

"You're looking skinny you sleepyhead." Steve says ruffling my hair. I dont smile, I dont laugh. I just nod. My body aches. His face turns to a look of concern. 

"Yeah. I'm gonna warm up something." I say and walk away, just going back to my bed.

*end flash back* 

I've stopped taking care of myself. I cry harder. If ponyboy or Sodapop did this to themselves, even if Darry did, Id be in disrepair, cursing myself for lettings this happen. I eventually fade into unconsciousness as I sniffle tears.

(Sodas POV) *the night y/n ran away*

Nothing was right in my family.

I think over the words Sunshine said with venom in my mind. "None of them where Dallas". Why couldn't've she listened to me?

I Remember my fight with Dallas in the hospital. 

He rushed in before me, ahead of pony and I. "Dally what on Earth do you think you're doing?" I hiss, grabbing his shoulder and making him face me.

"I'm going in there to be by her side." He says, smacking my hand off him and pushes me back into Pony. I did not take that lightly . I ran foreword and grabbed him. pulling him to the ground.

"Dallas Winston you listen to me. Sunshine knows you, and she sees you through her rose colored glasses and she sees a man who will protect her, and fight for her and someone who will always be there. But I KNOW  you. I know you're never gonna settle down, I know you dont want a family and I know you want women. you cant have just one. Y/n Sunshine is the best shot you'd have at living a life thats ok, and normal- happy even. But you rather make her suffer. Well pal, I'd choose her happiness over mine, anytime, any day. and If that means keeping you away from her I'll make sure of it." I seethe.

Dallas Doesn't utter a word. he looks dazed, upset and betrayed. I feel a small but bearly there twinge of regret, but its for her sake. He walks  backwards , keeping eye contact. He scoffs, spits on the ground and turns to leave.

I come back to reality, returning home from my search for her. 

"We are just gonna have to hope she comes back." Darrel says, strained as he runs his hands down his face, a sob escaping his lips. He falls back into our sofa and breaks down. I follow, sobbing on his shoulder. Pony closes the door before sitting beside us, a defeated look on his face as tears silently trickle down.

Between dobs i hear  a knock at the door and I spring up, but Pony beats me to it. I cross my fingers. Its!

Sherri. All my happiness fades and I kick the coffee table, sending empty beer glasses and an ashtray flying. "Fuck!" I wail pained and pissed off.

"Cherry, do you have any news?" Pony asks through tears.

"I-I do but you have to promise you didn't hear it from me." She says shyly.

Darrel curses, "For fuck sakes, tell us!" He screams, spit and tears flying from his face.

"I saw Y/n, she told me to tell you she's running away, and if You want to find her you'll have to find out from Dallas. She also threatened to jump me if I told you." She says monotoned.

"That monster?" I cry quietly to myself. Its late We are all exhausted.

"alright first thing tomorrow we are finding that punk and shaking him one." Darry says composing himself. Pony nods and I do to, we usher Sherri out and we all sleep in the living room to feel closer.