Evolving : A Rolivia FanFic

THIRTY-ONE

Serena kept her eyes focused on her finger as it pushed a few grains of salt together. She didn't remember much of her daughter's childhood, so she knew apologizing would be hard. She couldn't apologize for specific things when those things were blurry or a blank space in her mind.

"Do you want the ketchup?" Olivia asked as she smacked the bottom of a glass ketchup bottle. Serena glanced at her daughter before shaking her head.

"No, thank you. I'm not hungry anymore," Serena replied softly. Olivia nodded slowly, twisting the top back on and grabbing a fry.

"I get that the trauma you experienced is overwhelming, but people have unwanted children all the time and they don't abuse them," Olivia sighed.

"I know. Liv, I didn't treat you the way you deserved to be treated... I burned many bridges, and now I'll suffer from the consequences."

Olivia went between the plate of fries and her milkshake as Serena continued to play with the salt. After a while, Olivia knew that something else had to be said. 

"Do you remember everything that happened?" Olivia asked as she wiped ketchup from her fingers.

"No, I don't."

"Really? Like, on purpose?" Olivia questioned.

"No, not on purpose. You know how PTSD, depression, and anxiety can mess with someone's memory. I wish I knew exactly what I did because then apologizing would be easier. I could apologize for throwing you down the stairs or breaking your arm. For setting your hair on fire or-"

"My hair was never set on fire, but when you threw me down the stairs, my arm did break. Mom, I could see how hurt you were when you found out I was pregnant... But I'm not ready to open my heart and soul to you. My family is important to me, and I don't want you to come in and ruin it."

Serena nodded as tears welled in her eyes. She blinked most of them away before settling back against the booth and looking at her daughter.

"Even if we weren't talking the entire time, sitting here with you felt nice. Congrats on the babies, and I hope you can be so happy," Serena breathed, as she slid to the edge of the booth and stood slowly.

"Apologize," Olivia spoke.

"Olivia, I told you-" Serena started.

"I don't care if you don't remember exactly what happened. If you are truly sorry, even if you don't remember what you did to make you feel sorry, apologize. The most simple of apologies can lead to so many things," Olivia interrupted. 

Serena sat back down and reached across the table to grab her daughter's hand. She brushed her thumb along Olivia's knuckles before taking a shaky breath.

"I am incredibly sorry for being mentally and physically abusive to you. For making you feel unloved and unwanted your entire life. I made poor decisions, and I hate myself for that. In the end, my life has been so lonely without you. I don't expect for you to welcome me back with open arms, but I pray you forgive me at some point."

///

Amanda rolled over when the bedroom door opened and Olivia slipped in. She walked to the dresser and pulled out pajamas before she stopped changing when she saw Amanda watching her.

"Hi," Olivia whispered.

"You realize it's pretty late, right?"

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry if I worried you tonight. I just got caught up in talking to my mom," Olivia replied.

"Is everything okay?" Amanda questioned, as Olivia pulled her shirt on and walked towards the bathroom. Amanda quickly climbed out of bed and joined Olivia in their bathroom. Things still sat in boxes, but Amanda had put almost everything away.

"Uh, she's sleeping on our couch," Olivia spoke.

"Your mother? Serena Benson is sleeping on our couch?" Amanda asked, and Olivia nodded as she tied her hair back.

"I was worried about her, so I told her to stay the night."

"Worried? Olivia, what the hell happened tonight?!" Amanda exclaimed. Olivia sat her face wash down and turned to look at her fiancee. She grabbed her hands gently before kissing her knuckles lightly.

"A lot happened tonight, and I don't know where it'll go. However, I want to at least think about building something with her. She's my mom, and I loved her no matter what... for so long," Olivia whispered.

"She beat you, Liv. She blamed you for what her rapist did," Amanda breathed.

"I know that, baby. But I need this, and I need her," Olivia replied.

Amanda sighed softly as she reached up and brushed a stray piece of brown hair behind her fiancee's ear.

"Don't let her come back into our life without doing the work. Okay?"

"I'll be careful, Mandy. It's not only me, now. I have a beautiful fiancee and three babies to think about as well."

///

Amanda woke up before Olivia and went downstairs to make coffee and breakfast. Serena was sitting up on the sofa, her hand holding on tightly to their latest family picture. Olivia changed her mind about pictures and decided that she wanted to document the beautiful family she was making with Amanda.

"Hello, Serena," Amanda spoke.

"Uh, hi," Serena replied, her eyes wide. She looked at the picture before hesitantly passing it to Amanda as if she'd get in trouble for holding it.

"You can keep looking at it. You can't harm it by looking," Amanda replied, as she walked past Serena and into the kitchen. Serena stood and walked in behind Amanda, but kept her distance.

"You two make a very cute couple, by the way... Olivia's smile reaches her eyes when she's with you," Serena spoke.

"What do you want to come from this? Like being a grandmother to the kids? Being in the room when Olivia gives birth?" Amanda asked, as she slammed the lid to the coffee machine down and spun to look at Serena.

"I'm not inserting myself into your life, especially since there isn't space for me... I just want to be around my daughter, even if it's not a big role," Serena breathed.

"She may forgive you, but I don't forgive that easy. You abused the woman I love, and I won't let you hurt her again."