Admiring the Light

Ep 20

Flashback

Natalie sighed as she paced by her slender mother on the couch, her nearly white, gaunt, pointed face engrossed in her phone. And the tall teenager frowned a little as she heard the video. "What's up in the world today, Mom?" She put on a smile for her mother as she asked, pretending to be curious. "Ugh, the world is going to shit, Natalie. Our taxes, we, the middle class, are being exploited to support people who are too lazy to get a fucking job."

Natalie cringed when her mother started ranting about unemployment. "Woah." She gave a simple, generic response. "Well that's crazy." She didn't want to aggravate her mother, but she didn't want to support the discrimination either.

"It is crazy. Back when I was a kid, you couldn't pay your bills, you went to jail. But now we're too fucking soft and we're rewarding lazy people. Congress needs to grow some balls, instead of letting men get them removed." Her mother grunted with annoyance. "There was none of this "fair healthcare" and all that crap. The price was the same for everyone, and if you couldn't afford it, you should get a damn job. This is what we get for having a black as our president."

Natalie took a deep breath and took a few steps away. Her mother said things like that all the time, but it still surprised the teen when she actually heard it. "Interesting. None of that really means anything to me currently." She lied, she didn't want to get into an argument with her mother.

"Oh, I know, you, sadly *my* eighteen year old daughter, doesn't have a job. I don't know how you're affording housing, bills, utilities, college. You're certainly not staying here after you graduate." Her mother huffed, shooting a side eye glare at Natalie. "I'm not putting any more money into you just for you to throw your time away. You blow off school and- and getting a job to just play with your friends."

Natalie inhaled slowly again, and levied her green gaze into her mother's eyes. "Dad won't let you do that." She stated, anxious thoughts budding in her mind, though her expression remained neutral. "Yep, I know your fucking father is going to let you stay here, sitting on your lazy ass all day, no job, not contributing anything. Then he can take over the fucking mortgage too." The older woman chuckled.

"Yep, I'm sorry I have severe anxiety around strangers and unfamiliar locations." Natalie sighed and took a sip of water, before rushing back upstairs. "See you later, Mom..."

...

"Empty, no results, NO RESULTS." Natalie hissed quietly down at her phone, as she tried to contain the urge to throw the device into her wall and scream. For hours now, she had been scouring the Internet, trying to figure out her future after graduation from high school, and she couldn't even find a librarian position open that fit what she wanted to do. "Mom isn't gonna let me stay here... Mom is gonna throw me out... I'm gonna fail..." She whispered, her anxieties only being heard by God as she leaned down in bed.

"I'm gonna end up homeless in debt and unable to pay and end up killing myself... I'm gonna fail..." The tears naturally spilled out into her sheets; she had been managing her anxiety so well, but it resurfaced anyway. "Please... dear God please don't let her... I need help, my Lord... I'm so broken and scared and confused..."

The teen's hands trembled as she reached to pick up her phone again, shakily inputting "library volunteer opportunities Edgewater" into the search bar. But when she saw that her local public library wasn't taking volunteer positions, another round of waterworks flowed down her face, her breathing shallow and rapid as she tried to take deeper breaths. "Nothing..." She sniffed.

Her mother's words filled her head again, and they only made her anxiety worse. *You don't have a job, I don't know how you're affording housing, bills, utilities, college. You're certainly not staying here after you graduate, I'm not putting any more money into you just for you to throw your time away.* She thought, as she continued to sob. "Thanks, Mom... thank you for your incredibly sensitive approach." She hissed to herself; simply the idea of getting a job tied her stomach in a knot.